Lust is a powerful thing

I am having an office affair. And I give zero fucks, if you are asking. If you aren’t asking, I am seriously worried. I know you shouldn’t “shit where you eat” but I am in deep shit. I haven’t gotten too serious with this guy; we haven’t had sex yet. Just doing what the usual teenagers do: fondle and dry hump. I am 26 and he is about 30; quite the romance or the raging fire we have built. One thing I forgot to tell you is he is; he is practically married. His mother of his kids will be living with him soon and eventually they will be riding off in the sunset: happy faces and confetti.

…..

But I am here, caught with the intention to get involved. It didn’t start this way I assure you. I didn’t know the first time around. But isn’t that how affairs start? Someone isn’t completely honest about their situation upon initial attraction and conversation. It is funny how they get physical with someone then they spill the chickpeas. Chickpeas are everywhere and the red flag is clear as Trump’s intentions for illegal immigrants.

I should run, but I keep running towards him. I know why I like him. He reminds me of a former lover; the first guy I ever allowed in my female space, if you know what I mean. I cut things off with him: after he bought me a sweater and a meal, and after we fooled around one last time. After I sent my fourth text message cutting things off, I sent him a picture of the sweater he bought me with it on, maroon and white. My thought process was to let him know, we are okay, we can still be cordial. Silly me.

I spoke to my friends about it, they tell me to “leave him alone” or “he knows how to pick em” or “it couldn’t be me” but yet they are all in shitty relationships. The only relationship that I admire is my best friend’s and she is a lesbian, the rest are stuck with overgrown boys. But then again I am messing with an overgrown boy. I think it is funny how women in toxic relationships look down on women like me. What kind of a woman am I? Idk. The amount of guilt I am feeling is immense.

The man isn’t married, but he has a FAM-I-LY. Three syllables. A unit. A circle of people filled with love. I tell myself every day and it has worked to a point, but when I see is handsome face I can’t help but to laugh. I am naïve, but let me tell you lust is a powerful thing.