LETTERS TO MUM (2)
(“Do you love me or you don’t?” This is all i kept on asking, just so i could be sure my next step of action will not be wrong but ma, you know how some humans can be😔; he was beating about the bush (even hunters do not struggle this much when trying to. I got tired of it and i decided to go back into my personal space where i love to be (but these boys won’t let you rest in peace, would they?) I found myself trying to fill my space and he is back again showing traits like he needed me in his life (trust me this happens all the time). What then do i do? Remain the nice girl I've been or begin to get it int my thick skull that teenage days are gone and so are prank days? I’m always this confused…)
Okay guys, that’s basically me. I’m a lover girl. I am more than just a lover girl but really I think my life revolves around the fact that this girl “writing” can’t get over the idea of love. I thought that it will be the best way to introduce you to my life and why i think growing up sucks! Officially, this should be letters to mum and so i will try to be polite and mindful of my words while i write this series.
Today, I want to talk about the first time i told mum all i had done in my teenage days, i was 18 when this took place. I’m going to try being Shakespeare or Ernest Hemingway better still while i write. Do not judge me for i have not said I am any of them.
The night was unusually quiet, everything in the room had lost their colors and i could hear no sound but my own voices creating noise from within me. I did not make a mistake when i said “my own VOICES”, I am pretty sure it wasn’t just one voice that got me up on feet being afraid on what decision i was about to make. The lights were now on and I had made the decision but first i needed to empty my bowels (At night, my urinating skills are worse than that of a pregnant woman). I walked towards my new diary (i had lost count as to how many i had), i took out a pen and i began to write:
“This is to my dad, mum, brothers and sisters, friends and enemies, just in case i get beaten tonight or killed, just know that i love you all…and my mother is still the sweetest being ever”
Half way across the corridor and maybe 5 steps away from her door, i was reciting a Surah from the Qur’an: “Qul huwa Allahu ahadun…” and i didn’t stop until her sweet voice permitted me into her room. She was worried, wondering why i was in her room at 12:00 am in the morning. I guess she didn’t ask the question because she knew i sometimes stayed up all night trying to study and really in my house, we all hardly slept early; trust me 12:00 am was too early to be in bed. “Mummy,…”, I started laughing, i was too nervous and she immediately gave me that suspicious face and said: “Yes?”, i don’t how she does it but sometimes her face just says yes it is okay to speak. I went ahead and this was me already having it in mind that i might die tonight. “Mummy, i just want to talk with you… I want to say I’m sorry for the days we’ve not been close… I know i have been so uptight… I know i stopped being your best friend… I know i stopped telling you things… But mummy, please will you forgive me… Will you let us give it another try… I just feel so guilty…” I was in tears, i wasn’t even expecting me to breakout that much. She cuddled me so tight and i didn’t want to let go off her at that moment. I wasn’t scared anymore, I felt peace somehow. “…It’s okay to be afraid to be close to me because you afraid of the judgement i will give you but i have always told you my love, I’m your only and true best friend in the world. I know you more than any other… To make this easier for you… I will start with my own story… I think you now old enough to know somethings…” She spoke continuously with a smile on her face, i will never forget that face. It was that face that got me telling her a list of the boys who had hurt me and those i had thought i hurt as well, it was that face that drugged me into telling her all i knew about sex and if i had ever thought of having it/if i had it; the same face that got our bond growing stronger for three years…
I miss that night… With this short story/letter, i want to speak out to the youths out there. It’s not easy to let them (our parents) in your life but you never know what it feels like if you do not give it a try. Don’t just wait till you done with university, or probably when you married before you let them in. You should be proud that you have a good relationship with your parents.It doesn’t make you a lesser being. You do not want it to be too late; even science can’t detect when time ends.