It was 11:30 pm. My phone rang. I cringed.

I hate it when my phone rings. I suffer from phone-phobia. I hate receiving calls or making calls. It is as if an unpleasant news or demand that is going to hit me!!

Anyway, the phone rang, making me nervous. I took the call. The voice on the other side said “Get the car keys and come down fast. There is an emergency”.

My mind did not absorb anything. I asked “What happened”.

He said, “Bella has collapsed”.

I went numb. I jumped out of bed. Threw some decent attire on myself. Grabbed my purse and car keys and rushed to the door.

By that time they were already their with Bella’s body hanging limp in his arms.

We sped off to the hospital. He drove at breakneck speed.

Bella was in my lap. Numb and staring.

All through the way, I kept saying, “Bella don’t go. Stay baby. Please don’t go. I love you baby. Please don’t go. Everything will be alright. Please baby. stay”.

I hugged her. I kissed her. I held her close.

In 20 minutes Bella was laid on the examining table. The examiner checked her. He asked what happened?

We said “Nothing. She was absolutely fine. Her usual self. Nothing wrong at all. Playful and happy. She ate her food well. And as usual, went off for her walk with him. A little way down the road she whimpered and collapsed. Just fell to the ground”.

The attendant checked her for a snake bite or any other unusual occurrence. Nothing came up . Nothing !!!

The dreaded words still ring loud in my ears. “She is no more. Cardiac Arrest”, said the attendant . “She passed a few minutes ago. She was brought in dead”.

My mind went numb. I could not comprehend anything. Nothing sunk in.

My Bella was no more ! My baby was staring at me. Yet she was not looking at me.

It was 12:00 midnight. We took her home. We had to wait for the morning for the world to wake up. The rituals could be done only thereafter.

We laid her on the floor on my shawl. She loved my shawl. The whole night I sat there, looking at her. Hoping that through some miracle, she might move and come back to life. She was just 5 years and 8 months and 2 days old.

She never moved. She did not breathe. She just lay there peacefully in her silent and eternal sleep.

It was the saddest and yet the most peaceful night.

The curtain bellowed in the breeze. As if my Bella was playing. Perhaps she was. Her soul was finally free.

I am grateful to God that my baby did not suffer pain. It was swift.

Yet, the same suddenness created a deathly silence for us.

I did not foresee it coming.

Bella was my baby. Her mother, Tippy is a mountain dog, who had come to us from a neighbouring village, in my hometown in the Himalayan foothills. Tippy came to us as stray dog of mixed Mountain Bernei breed.

Bella was a mixed Lapphund. She loved the snow and the mountains.

Bella grew up in my lap. Always lost in her own world. Tiny in size. But Bella was like a little dynamite.

Death is inevitable. The lifespan of mountain dogs is not very long. It happens. Yet no amount of wisdom or experience prepares you for the loss.

I am happy that Bella did not suffer pain or misery.

But my heart yearns for her….

If only I knew…

If only I could have had more time with her.

I could have loved her and kissed her a little more. I could have cuddled her in my lap a little more.

If only Bella had seen another winter sunshine with us. Seen another spring. Chased another autumn leaf. If only…..

Why am I writing this here ? It is not for likes, upvotes, dollars or hearts.

Sometimes sharing feelings with friends and family becomes difficult because relationships are full baggage.

I write here, because anonymity gives me freedom to express.

If you have read till here, I am grateful to you.

No likes or upvotes, shares or resteems required.

I just want to honour my Bella’s memory and tell my Bella that I love her and miss her ……

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