craving something new
The birds sing outside the window and they are busy with the newness of spring! Their songs echo through the trees; it is the most beautiful alarm clock, the owls hoot at night and I laugh at the sounds. The winter blues are gone, the anxieties of spring have come; and I get so antsy with new seasons. I’m trying to reel it all in but it’s hard. I think to myself there’s a change in the weather; ok I need a new wardrobe, a new makeup routine, some new friends (not that there’s anything wrong with my old friends — I love them!) and a new job; so much for being content in all seasons. Out of all of that I can maybe buy a new lipstick and a t-shirt, but it won’t really help. I want to do something new, I want to experience something new, and I want to see something new.
I think it’s a good uncomfortable feeling though; it’s a reminder that there’s so much more if you’re willing to see it, look for it, work for it, and find it. Ever since I was little there was always significant change in my life every few years, we were moving from countries, through states, and different houses. In school every year there’s a new grade, a new teacher, new classmates, but now in the rut of having quarter life crisis at twenty eight years old, at a job that doesn’t really teach you much of anything new, and a creative mind that drives you crazy everyday. I crave a challenge, I crave a learning curve that tests not only my emotions but also my mind, I crave creativity and a new outlet. I crave something new.
I was feeling so stuck last week with everything just kind of piling on and of course, at every turn there was someone, somewhere, saying something about not giving up. I get so easily overwhelmed in this little brain of mine, like most creatives, I have about one million different ideas and brain kids running around in my head at all times, and I suffer deeply with the desire for perfection; but out of all the outlets that were chanting “don’t give up” this quote took the cake (as my mother would say).
“Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
“Do it as well as you possibly can… You will have created something”
Gah! It makes my heart sing.
So bring it on spring, bring it on anxieties and desire for new things, because I am a writer, I am a creator, and I am a maker of pretty things; if I’m living in that truth there is no reason for me to ever feel “stuck”. Creativity is a part of me, just like the way my eyes are brown and my hair comes out of my head curly, it is a part of my desire and likes, the way I like pizza and coffee. It is engrained in my mind the way Cuban food and croquetas are a part of my history. Creating is my history and it is my future, because whether perfect or not it is who I am. So this is my challenge for this new season, this is my learning curve — to challenge myself, one day at a time. To create something new, one thought at a time, one idea at a time, one creative piece at a time, and to not be overwhelmed with perfection or the “how to” but just the simple process of “do”. Everything beautiful starts somewhere small, but the trick is starting. Everyone knows this, every creative will encourage another creative or anyone really to just start, but when it comes to your own craft or your own mind, we get so stuck in the demands of perfection, the demands of exactness, the demands of translating it as accurately as it is playing in our mind. The fear of being just another mediocre girl on the shelf, the fear of it not communicating through the first pure baby flicker of thought you had running through your head; makes you not even want to try as you fear it will become full grown and lose its raw emotion. But that’s not necessarily true, because what it does for your own mind to release, to create, to share, to allow little darling thoughts to become kids and then real life projects and tangible adventures of the mind, there is no turning back from that. It’s a seed that is planted and does not come back empty. You are whom you are right now, with all the beauty and fierce life inside of you because of everything that you have created, even the things that were brought to life for your eyes alone. It all has purpose, because even in the art of creating, and in the world of ideas, practice makes perfect.
Don’t give up,