Why Never Alone FM?

I used to think that the story I needed to tell had to be written, that one day I’d publish a memoir or something. But now I’m starting to feel like what I have to say can’t wait that long. I keep hearing “tell the story only you can tell” and “use your voice” and “shine your light” and there are so many things bursting out of me that I’m afraid of saying out of fear of being judged, but I can’t allow fear to stop me from telling my story and helping others that may feel alone in their experiences…

Growing up, I read many books, but the ones that really spoke to me were ones that I could relate to. But the reality is that only a couple really touched home. “A Child Called It” and “White Oleander” — both dealing with child abuse and mother/father issues.

I’ve been feeling more and more motivated to share my experiences, but it wasn’t until I was at the SUCCESS Magazine #SUCCESSLive event that I realized what I have to do. As Mel Robbins did her talk, she asked for people to stand up and talk about what their next step/journey is.

As people shouted their [hashtag] goals, I couldn’t help but think about what my next step should be. I’m already hustling and trying to survive on having my own clients and recently started working with WeAreLATech, which has been an amazing experience so far and, honestly, the whole reason I was even at the Success Event (because Espree Devora is incredibly thoughtful and let me go in her place while she’s on the Women in Tech Show Road Trip)!

So anyway, I’m sitting there, thinking in my head “my next step is to continue writing and publish that damn memoir” and as people kept shouting their dreams and Mel kept commenting and coaching, my idea started to morph. “Maybe it could be a blog instead. Why postpone something that could help other people?”

And then thoughts, fear and doubt started to creep into my thinking, legit at the same time she’s essentially preaching “feel the fear and do it anyway”… I darkly thought, “No one wants to read your depressing stories. Sure you came out on top, but no one wants to hear about the shit that you went through, not really. It’s enough for people to know that you persevered through tough times, but they don’t need to know exactly what happened. They won’t even be able to keep reading at parts. You’re totally gonna turn people off.” And I listened. I shut the door on myself. Even though I was surrounded by people who were excited to cheer each other on while they all reached for the next level of their dreams.

But then a woman got on stage. Mel had asked for a show of hands, asking the crowd if anyone felt held back by Hesitation. Obviously, I fit the category. I actually fit all of the categories she listed… Hiding, Hypercritical and Helplessness being the other three. But this woman… she had raised her hand and then Mel was like, “Get up here!” — so up she went! She was shaking, voice trembling and Mel asked her what she visualized her next step to be and what was holding her back and she replied with “Getting on this stage! I feel like my chest is gonna cave in!” (I’m paraphrasing, I can’t remember exactly what was said.) But then Mel eventually asked “Okay, but what is it you really want to do?” And this woman says that she wants “children who are victims of sexual abuse to have a voice”… and I was floored.

Literally, the thing that I’m most afraid to talk about, but feel like I need to talk about, just came out of her mouth. And literally, in the beginning of Mel’s talk, she kept emphasizing the importance of signs in your life. And if this sign didn’t smack me right in the middle of the face, then I don’t even know what a sign is.

Which brings me to my final thought. When she said that, I thought, “Done. It’s gonna be a podcast. I’m gonna tell my story, my experiences, through a podcast. And I’m going to interview other people about their stories of abuse, domestic violence and estranged parents, and how they all survived and became the amazingly strong people that they are today. There are so many people living with these secrets and have no one to talk to. With this project, I hope to continue to bridge the gap between survivors in a way that doesn’t feel shameful or embarrassing.

And don’t think that this is easy for me. I’m scared shitless, but it has to be done. I don’t want anyone to feel as alone as I’ve felt. ✌️ ❤️