Day 1 — New Muslim Chronicles
February 16th 2016 the first day of a new life. How do I feel? How should I feel? Is this what everyone goes through?
I took my shahada yesterday February 15th, 2016 at the Islamic Institute of Orange County, Alhamdulillah. I thought I would cry but I had felt Muslim for so long that it wasn’t a big deal anymore. It was more of a relief. I was thinking Alhamdulillah, I have finally made it official. What now?
Instead of the bliss and happiness that most felt after taking shahada, I felt the guilt that had kept me from taking it earlier. I was now accountable for all of my actions. It was time to walk the walk and I was unsure if I was ready. How do you even pray again?.. But there was no going back and even though I didn’t feel it at the time I knew I had given up so much for the greatest thing in my life and that it was all worth it.
I slept like a baby and woke up right on time to see the sunrise and fajr end. I jokingly said “I suck already. I woke up exactly as fajr ended.” But I didn’t let that stop me, I prayed fajr late and moved on with my day.
It was a nice, very sunny day filled with many warm hugs, “mabrooks” and salams. There was something about the atmosphere that I cannot explain, I felt free, happier than I’ve felt in months.
One highlight was me walking over to the prayer area to complete my first prayer with the MSU brothers and sisters to see all the girls waving at me, excited to have me pray alongside them. Of course I needed a little assistance putting on the hijab but Mona was glad to do it. It was time to pray, why did I feel so nervous?! 2 rakats down, wait what number was it again? “Allahu Akbar”, time to stand up to start the next rakat, but something didn’t feel right. I opened my eyes to see everyone still on the floor… Oops, mistake number 2. But I continued with the prayer and it got better. Woo 2/5 prayers done, Alhamdulillah. By the end of the night I had prayed all 5 prayers. Wow, that wasn’t too bad at all. Why was I so anxious and worried about it.
Alhamdulillah it’s real. I’m Muslim. Everything is starting to fall into place. Day 1 done, many many more to come. SubhanAllah.