The 54th Deadline: Beyond the Brink

The 54th Deadline: Regardless of failure or success, you learn. Life grants people so many chances to get it right.

I am changing. As a person, I am changing and becoming a better version of myself at this rate. Change is good when you actively try to affect it. Simply put, you need to toss the excuses to the side and just turn proactive. No more waiting for something to come your way. No more hoping you will wake up in the morning and everything magically turns into your fantasy floating in your head. Things will stay the same if you do, and it took me a few years before I could grasp such a concept.

I was having a conversation with my good friend last night on Skype. We talked about what I was back then compared to how I am now. It brought back vivid memories of that painful, life-threatening span after graduating college. I was an immature, pathetic and glorified kid trapped in a young adult’s body. My current age at the time supposedly meant I would be emotionally and mentally ready for the “real world.” I was not.

Call it any euphemism you want to lessen the blow. It still did not change the fact that I was living at home with my parents, jobless, getting overweight and just self-destructing on a daily basis. Things did not go my way because I did not force myself to take on the situation head on with confidence.

Lulled into a false of security back then, so many people told me things would be all right if you just go to college. Yeah, it would be that simple, right? Getting that degree was just one part of the equation. I totally neglected the whole problem. I wanted a solution, the final answer, but without putting in the right work to figure it all out.

I had depression, but I did not want to acknowledge it. Things will pan out! They should, right? Gosh, the denial sure was powerful back then.

In a sense, it was necessary for me to screw up in such a manner. The way I suffered back then, though it honestly hurt me on so many levels, it toughened me up. It allowed me to appreciate what life is all about when I dangerously teetered on that brink.

Contrast
 When I talked to my friend on Skype last night, I started to accept that I have come full circle from one extreme to the next. I was once a Negative Nancy by the definition. I was always mopey, absurdly depressed and just thought the world was out to get me. I had almost nonexistent hope back then. I just knew I wanted my circumstances to improve, but I did not do enough at the beginning to shift my outlook. I needed a superior attitude to tackle my problems.

Bad things happen. They are bound to at some point. It does not matter if you are poor, rich or whatever — we all get struck down by life for whatever reason. But what you do when you get knocked down is what defines your character. Back then, when life came down on me like a house of bricks, it was a real setback.

Sure, I struggled to get out, but my heart was not in the right place. I fixated on the weight of what was keeping me down instead of just trying to wiggle my way free. I psychologically let myself think it was too much to handle, that this could be something that could put me out for good. I hindered myself with such a toxic, ugly thought process. In fact, this was a terrible mindset to have in general.

These days, I have turned into quite the Positive Pete. I am happier, more confident and overall getting healthier every day. I walk every morning, do exercises, listen to motivational messages, I run, I eat better and constantly read about how to fix my life piece-by-piece in many facets.

Compare this current me to the old me who was always looking for more ways to be dour and unpleasant. I drove a lot of my people out of my life back then due to my incompetence and negative vibe. I have optimism moving forward that I can embody an uplifting aura that empowers others to find salvation.

I had my dark days, and now I want to shine. I long for the moment when I finally can illuminate a brighter outlook for others to follow through their respective tunnels of despair.

I have been there. I have succumbed to that personal hell way too many times that I have lost count. I got out because I needed to do so, and I wish the best for others in their respective struggles to keep fighting.

Don’t give up. To move beyond the brink, you need to envision yourself jumping across it to reach the next stage.

“Hope is my catalyst.” — Nhan Pham