A (fake) look back at the men of The Bachelorette.
August 1 marks the end of Jojo’s season of The Bachelorette. It’s been an amazing journey, but now she’s down to just two men, Jordan Rodgers and Robby Hayes. Who will she choose? By the end of the episode, we’ll have the answer to that burning question. In the meantime, let’s take a look back at the roseless men Jojo has already sent home.
1. Luke Pell
Jojo shocked the audience by sending this hunky cowboy/war veteran home after home town visits. He’s going to be okay though.
2. Chad Johnson a.k.a. “the Chadelor”
The explosive temper. The scary whistling. The weight lifting. The cold cut eating. Good thing she sent this jerk packing early (all he brought was a suitcase full of protein powder and a bad attitude).
3. This guy.
Oh man, remember that guy?
4. Chris Harrison, host
Not this year, buddy. But hang in there.
5. The guy whose name no one can remember
What’s this guy’s name? James S.? Percival? Timmy Tomtom? Michael R.? Nick? No one knows. Not Jojo, not Chris Harrison, not the producers, probably not even his parents. Will we ever know his name? No. We won’t. Let it go.
6. The guy who wouldn’t turn around
This guy had it all—he was charming, kind, and smart, and Jojo clearly felt chemistry with him almost immediately. The only problem? He would never turn around, which makes romance hard. Hey, guy! Hey, hi, buddy! Jackson! Good sir! Jojo’s over there, turn around! But he never would, he just continued to gaze off into the horizon for all of eternity.
7. Papa John
What woman could turn down the promise of free pizza for the rest of her life? Jojo, that’s who.
8. The guy having a heart attack
Damn, that’s rough. Good luck with that.
9. Pepe Le Pew
Despite his constant attempts (threats) to take her to “the Casbah,” Jojo just couldn’t see herself marrying this cartoon skunk. Sure, they could fool around a little on dates, but it was never going to progress to anything serious like an engagement. Not so much because he was a skunk or even a cartoon, but because he was French.
10. Fred the seagull
Fred was a fan favorite right from the start, and a lot of people really thought he’d go the distance. Unfortunately he got distracted by a school of fish in the sixth episode and Jojo never saw him again.
11. Who is this?
How’d he get here? He wasn’t even on the show. Now he won’t leave, though.
12. A parking cone
He’s stable. He has no hidden agenda, he told her he loved her and he was great in bed. She knew he’d never break her heart, but Jojo just couldn’t make herself fall in love with this traffic cone.