Personal Addiction Poetry, Volume 1

NicholasRMcCay

The below is a personal journey through what I am addicted to. It also shows the dichotomy of some of the differing aspects of a feeling or pull. It is not always WHOLLY negative aspects of addiction that keep people from kicking a habit. They/We are getting something we want in some capacity. It’s not that I don’t want these things anymore, I DO, but now I want OTHER things MORE. At times they have some power over me, but this is more of a poetic or literary exercise of catharsis than a public advocating FOR being addicted to anything, far from it.

In the format of “I’m an addict: Then listing something that you are addicted to here and the negative aspects of it that you are dealing with,” then “AND: Then list the possible positive aspects that you have learned from that you can now put into practice in your life.” By putting these poems, P.A.P. as the “list” type of genre for short, out in the open I am trying to continue the process of these activities having less power over me and maybe you as well. Channeling and utilizing the same energy for addiction to work towards more beneficial goals — is the ultimate goal of this series.

If you feel you want to tell me or the community your story, troubles, and even more important, plan to change, then comment back or email me personally. Share as much as you are comfortable with — but also recognize the significance of the exercise in helping to move past our former selves, egos, and thus expectations that you may no longer want to hold.

Find the others and tell your personal story of triumph & growth!


https://pixabay.com/photos/boat-distress-sea-wave-forward-2624054/

I’m an addict:

To pushing my bodily limits past breaking. Albeit luckier than most, it will catch up with me eventually.

AND

To finding that flow state of almost non existence when body, mind, soul merge in a compendium of neuro chemicals flooding the senses past limits.


I’m an addict:

To happily throw shade, schadenfreude, and hopeful devilish thoughts towards mine enemies in the most bombastic of terms.

AND

To wanting to break bread with anyone, and show the true nature of brethren and community in only love and good nature.


I’m an addict:

To the despair of having played 10 games of FIFA 19' in a row with a non winning record and continued miss allocation of valuable time towards my progress of the act of adulting.

AND

To the sheer joy of having gone on an undefeated spree, scoring a stoppage time equalizer, or better yet — come from behind winner through moment of cohesive brilliance in FIFA 19'. Making the time worth it for my psyche alone.


I’m an addict:

To willfully being blind and watching game after game of exploitation, attention redirecting, nefarious coverups of wrongdoings/corruption from big soccer (major sports leagues and franchises too) while forsaking other responsibilities to myself and others because of nostalgia, large scale social interactions, and selfish psychological emotions of triumph over the “other” & “the opponent” & “the enemy.”

AND

To the barely conscious interactions and intricate play of the beautiful game on the soccer pitch. The feeling of non feeling. Non thought. Just doing. Instinct in the realest sense of mind and body cooperation. The camaraderie with teammates alone would and is enough.


I’m an addict:

To the lassie-faire and lethargic attitude of In-Da-Couch marijuana. The ancient wisdom of “Fuck It” said by Mr. Williams of the Katt, and “Fuck It All” by Mr.Williams of the Robin.

AND

To the continued creative curiosity that cannabis helps sprout forth. A wider net in the sea of possibility and non status quoian imagination. This poem, my writing, and my life being better from it.


I’m an addict:

To the CHASE of something to fuck — and discarding like a prized toy, for a time, until something new comes along.

AND

To the all encompassing affection of someone trusting you with their own feelings — in more ways than one.


I’m an addict:

To masturbating to unknown “woman like” automata juxtaposing in exactly the personal situation I crave for cheap thrills and worsened guilt.

AND

To being vulnerable with a partner in a unusual and unplanned and highly pressured circumstance requiring humanistic critical thinking while shedding the facade closer to one’s true nature.


I’m an addict:

To the swiping onto something hotter, sluttier, more primal, more misogynistic feelings of non-commitment or non-caring toward the opposite sex.

AND

To the growth of knowing someone so well they give themselves to you and you to them, in part, to do whatever fantasy comes up in mutual pleasure exploring.


I’m an addict:

To consuming valuable information from books (or art) and almost immediate atrophy of the causal linkage of the idea’s legacy and use. Did you even read it, much less, understand it?

AND

To being lost outside of yourself in learning and shaping your sense view of reality through the pages of books(or any true artistic endeavor) — in all forms from all voices through all ages towards the betterment of the human condition. That’s odd…A HA! Eureka! FUCK YEAH!


I’m an addict:

To thinking of something clever or insightful or interesting and then not writing it down, developing it fully, frankly doing anything with it because of insecurities and/or self sabotage.

AND

To engaging with something “anew” as Feynman said: the martian perspective that everything is useful with context in explanation as you tussle with this new realm of experience you now reside in WITH the new. I am not ready to put the information into action, until I am indeed ready to do so.


I’m an addict:

To keeping up with everything that is “important” in the world that affects yourself and loved ones and being powerless to infect real change against in-bedded powerful interests.

AND

To the the knowledge of seeing the illuminated path of cooperation and cross pollinating information between users, however small, CAN make a difference depending on time horizon and efficacy.


I’m an addict:

To the scrolling through the usual non-impacting digital goings on of life. To keeping up with “the intellectual Jones's” that stagnates most, if not all, through a milieu of non action system architecture.

AND

To the sharing of information in a networked digital community that builds the scaffolding of our new created world outside the NET in a more humane, more ethical, more joyously robust, more yes i’m about to say the dreaded “utopic,” NON-ZERO SUM GAME way.


I’m an addict:

To keeping it going as is. This is the greatest time to be alive… I am only one person…I cant…Why?

AND

To finding the others like Ruskoff said…To always be adapting inwardly as you learn the outward external factors and their feedback loop influencing and compounding…I can…Why not?



NicholasRMcCay

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We live in the greatest time Humanity has ever experienced. Let’s start acting like it! https://www.eclecticspacewalk.com/

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