I was cheating. And for a time I thought she was everything.

Nicholas Robbins
Aug 24, 2017 · 4 min read

Beauty. Distraction. Everything I ever wanted and even more.

You know her. I know you do.

She’s elusive. She does not sit still.

She goes by the name of Time.

Infinite Intoxication

For each of us she does not last. She will leave you. It’s only a matter of Time.

We all have her, but we lose her and beg “if only I had …five more minutes, just a second to wrap things up.” She slips away, leaving me wanting more.

She is addicting. She intoxicates. She doesn’t care.

She’s demanding not because she can be, but because I let her. You see, I am different. Aren’t I the one in control? But in reality the world is upside down — she owns me and likely you, too.

What is she?

Take a look at her. She’s not the physicist’s pin-up of a limitless continuum. Some sexy beast — time’s arrow — that travels on forever.

Behind the silk, make-up and perfume, you’ll find she’s only a unit followed by another unit, followed by another — however you choose to measure — seconds, minutes, hours, days. A string of blocks made up of moments. We each have our string of blocks, but we do not know how many. At some point, it will end. Although the minute she gives to me is the same minute she gives to you, sometimes I swear she loves me a little bit more. Just a little more time. And that is where it starts.

The Affair

When a moment lapses we can’t replace it. Whether lost through carelessness, stolen by others, or left behind without notice. There is no lost and found office for time. No place to retrieve a moment we missed. We can never get this moment back again. But our affair clouds us. She loves me, she’ll give me more. She promised.

Despite time’s perceived, scientific infiniteness, it is finite. For many of us we don’t focus on our moments, we hoard and act like alchemist. If I can’t get more, I’ll make more.

Because she intoxicates it’s easy to convince yourself. I am different; I am Time’s alchemist. I can continue the affair and no one will get hurt. I can make Time give me more than I had. Technology has become my enabler — the siren’s song of Time. I tied myself to the mast as I sailed.

If I bring my iPhone to family dinner I can answer work calls and emails. I get more time — for work and family. If I check emails during the meeting I will get double the number of tasks completed. I’ve gave myself more time to leave the office. If look at social media between innings of my son’s little league game I will have more time to watch the game. And so on… like magic.

Caught in the Siren’s Song

Time’s siren sings of quantity not quality. In this quest to create more time and do more, I disengaged from the moment. I lost the peace of the present by trying to turn one moment in time into two. Often that peace is the most valuable piece. My moment doesn’t becomes more valuable. I can’t squeeze two moments into one.

In your next meeting, watch what happens when one person checks a text. The domino effect kicks in — each person starts to check. The next time your spouse checks a text or message in the middle of a conversation, how often do they say “it was nothing.” If “nothing” what does that say about how we value that moment — that conversation? Is there any less than nothing? When I step out, others in the moment others step out.

My quest for time decreased the value of the very thing I was trying to seize. I exchanged my limited resource for a promise that never got delivered. Time’s alchemy doesn’t create more time, it’s squanders it.

Saying goodbye is hard

It took me awhile to realize that I was having this affair. Breaking up might be hard but going cold turkey is almost harder. I wasn’t about to toss my iPhone out the window. I decided to start small. I try not check emails and texts in meetings and I leave my iPhone in the kitchen at bedtime. I continue to turn off more disruptive notifications and interruptions. I try to spend my time more wisely.

While I am no longer having an affair with Time, I will admit I do sneak a look at her picture. Checking email or posting to social media when I shouldn’t. When I do I remind myself — “Time waits for no one and it won’t wait for me.”

Small steps.

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Written by

co-founder of giantgood.com - dad / entrepreneur / team builder / legal strategist / hiker / design @vctech (t) @nicholaspixs (ig)

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