4 Great Ideas for Your Next Anti-Nazi Protest Party
Well, it’s that time of century again. Seems like it was just yesterday that they goose-stepped into the living room, calling the place “unpure” and getting all hot and bothered about flags. No one likes it when the Nazis come to town, but with a little planning, some elbow grease, and a positive attitude, an “ethnic-cleansing”-cleansing is a great chance to dust off the old country. And you just might have some fun doing it!
1. The Uber-Munch
Step 1: Get Rabbinical
Step 2: Visit Wal-Mart close to doomed Confederate monument
Step 3: Wait in the meat aisle.
Step 4: Whisper “oye, I didn’t know you goyim kept Kosher!” every time a Nazi picks up a piece of food.
It may be a solitary-shtick, but it’ll sure give those Aryan-shmucks something to nosh on! You’ll know things are really picking up when they put down the Jimmy Dean’s sausage links they want more than anything and go home to watch Walker, Texas Ranger. Bonus points if you slip them “The Woody Allen Criterion Collection” as a party favor.
(Ingredients: Online ordination as a Rabbi, over-the-top and vaguely insensitive costume, comfort using words that only begin in “sh”)
2. Crackle Barrel’s Famous Pure Corn-Bred Celebration
Step 1: Spend 4–6 months getting uncomfortably deep into Daily Stormer, /r/TheDonald, InfoWars, etc.
Step 2: Tell online “friends” that libtards and cucks are ripping down a Cracker Barrel.
Step 3: Host party at aforementioned Cracker Barrel
Step 4: Collect used forks and spoons after meal.
Step 5: Send spittle to Ancestry.com (no one said being a host was easy!)
Step 6: Publish results on Nazi message board of choice.
It’s a known fact that Nazis love Cracker Barrel. They also love getting all up in everyone’s genes. So why not give them what they love over a pot of what I only assume is some sort of vomit-colored stew? Afraid that the largely ethnic wait staff is going to spit in the food of the jack-boot wearing skinheads at the table, ruining the scientific accuracy of the upcoming DNA tests? I respond — isn’t that the point?
Pro Party Tip: Stay away from those mixed-races utensils known as “sporks” to avoid tipping your guests off to your true identity!
(Ingredients: 6–7 months of self-loathing over a high-speed internet connection, high tolerance against food-poisoning/noxious dinner conversation, cotton swabs)
3. DAS WURSTPARTEI
Step 1: Dress up as Nazis.
Step 2: Join real Nazis.
Step 3: Blow each other.
This stunner of a protest not only says, “you Nazis are still more ridiculous than spontaneous oral sex in the streets,” it comes with spontaneous oral sex in the streets. If you’re uncomfortable with gender fluidity in the name of fighting Nazis, just just think about the Polynesian mood lighting and make the most of it. Worst case scenario — they walk away. Best case — you water down those Aryan bloodlines into mongrel tribes like the rest of us.
(Ingredients: Scented Tiki Torches; sexy Nazi Halloween Costume (yes, they do exist!); large horde of sexually adventurous and multi-cultural friends and family)
4. The Amazing Master Race
Step 1: Host auditions for whites-only reality show.
Step 2: Let these ignorant ass-hats share their views with the public through a series of emasculating and embarrassing tasks and challenges, reminding them every time they refuse to do something that “freedom isn’t free.”
Give them a chance to prove their genetic superiority while sharing their half-baked hatred around the globe! The hitch — they’re race partner is a “negro” (in Episode 4 the Nazi explains why that’s the “not racist” for 45 minutes), who is hell-bent on undoing centuries of systemic inequality! Hilarious! Let the Nazi know that the winning team gets a copy of Mein Kampf and a chance to meet it’s author at the final destination in Brazil, then make sure their partner strands them halfway to Russia in wintertime. It’s history, biatch!
(Ingredients: Period-appropriate WWII costumes, props, and actors ($uper $aver Tip: check the Dunkirk dumpsters), flare gun, 200 bottles of Glacier Ice Gatorade)
Got any other ideas for great anti-Nazi parties? Be sure to share them in the comments! Don’t forget to clap!
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