Published in Three Words·Jan 4, 2015B.E.A.S.T. System Cata1yst GO! (Beast Drama System)Episode 1 “THE SYSTEM HAS GONE OFFLINE” I shouted, unable to compete with the noise of the crying alarms. General Willam just stood there, his expression glued, as if waiting out the impending doom. “SIR THE SYSTEMS ARE-” “I KNOW PRIVATE.” The General yelled. “I know.” Only fifteen days earlier…5 min read
Published in Three Words·Nov 1, 2014Interactive Fridge Jar“You’re outta milk bro,” the refrigerator said. “For real?” I hadn’t had coffee yet; I could barely make out how much cereal I was pouring into my bowl. “Nah.” The fridge laughed a big clunky laugh from the depth of it’s ice tray. “I don’t know why you think that’s…3 min read
Published in Three Words·Nov 1, 2014Exchange Lung NoiseExchange Lung Noise Back and forth like idiots Full billow in the sail Hot smelly wind Barf in your face Shit in your dreams Finish your applesauce Piss in your jeans1 min read
Published in Three Words·Nov 1, 2014Bubble Chair DecadeThis was the year Jeremy found true love and had his first sexual experience in a bubble chair. …3 min read
Published in Three Words·Nov 1, 2014Macrame Goose Museum“I don’t think these ones are painted right,” I said, pointing to the orange macrame goose hanging from the ceiling by a thin plastic wire. We’re not talking a burn, auburn orange — like Denver Broncos orange. “That was the only shade of orange they had at the craft store,”…3 min read
Published in Three Words·Nov 1, 2014Officer Plant OwnerIs it hard being “Officer Gardener?” Nah. Not really. Sure, you got a few extra looks, maybe the occasionally jib from some punk kid. But my mobile garden got way more positive feedback than negative, especially from children and their sometimes very available mothers. Divorce rate is at an all…2 min read
Published in Three Words·Nov 1, 2014Input Price ShrineIt had been weird since the church had installed the coin-operated doors. First, it was the remembering to bring quarters with us on Sunday morning. I hadn’t needed rolls of quarters since I was doing laundry in college, I had almost forgotten how to obtain them. I mean, even parking…2 min read
Published in The Disaster Book·Sep 17, 2014VaporAndrew had been trying all day to get hot nudes in his inbox. “Maybe I’ll tell her I would choke her,” he said to himself aloud, as he browsed a gallery of tattooed girls. “Tattooed girls like rough stuff, right?” he asked the woman to his left. …2 min read
Published in The Disaster Book·Aug 20, 2014The Best Party EverIs it bad that I really want him to be impressed? I feel silly even writing it, but Jason is already very special to me. 2/22/13 Dear Diary, Though the smell is probably going to give me away at this point, I think the payoff will be totally worth it…3 min read
Published in The Disaster Book·Aug 12, 201411.5 ParsecsJust cause I’m near a black hole doesn’t mean I’m heading for it. People have said what I do isn’t noble. Those people are ignorant. They’ve never worked at Red Robin, they’ve never seen the waiting benches overflowing on Easter Sunday, and they’ve sure as hell never been out of…3 min read
