Read My Ebook FOR FREE and LEARN HOW to Have Sex With a Roomba

Nicky Martin
Jul 27, 2017 · 3 min read
~!~!~!~!~!~CLICK HERE AND SEE HOW ROOMBAS HAVE HOT, XXX SEX FOR FREE!~!~!~!~!~!~

Set Goals to Achieve Massive Wealth

Everybody’s talking about Roombas!

People Can’t Stop Talking About These Things: Roombas

I wanted to cash in. In 2008, I set a humble goal for myself, “Write an ebook about Roombas in hopes of making enough money to buy a Roomba.”

I wrote countless drafts of Roomba ebooks in all of the most popular niches, “How to Make Money Online with Just a Roomba,” “Everlasting Spiritual Fulfillment Through Roomba,” “Roomba Diet: Get Skinny Fast By Eating a Roomba”. None of these books made any sense!

Only one ebook niche makes sense for writing about self-operating vacuum cleaners: hardcore XXX pornographic fiction.

~!~!~!~!~!~CLICK HERE AND SEE HOW ROOMBAS HAVE HOT, XXX SEX FOR FREE!~!~!~!~!~!~

Nine years later and my ebook, “Roomba Romance: Ravished by Roomba” is complete! Featuring scenes of man on Roomba, woman on Roomba, and Roomba on Roomba action, it is a very steamy read.

Just imagine, it is your favorite self-operating vacuum cleaner having sex with humans and also other autonomous vacuum cleaners.

Feel Those Bristles On Your Soft And Sticky Parts, Tufts Of Air Blown Out For Warming
Those Brushes Rub Together So Tight, Feel That Nice Hot Ventilation on Your Skin, My God It Feels So Good
Suck Me Up Inside You Roomba And Let Me Feel The Hot Spindly Pokes Of Your Brushes! Oh Yes, Roomba Give It To Me Good.

To date, the book has sold 0 copies.

How To Convince The Angel Investors

But yesterday, something miraculous happened. A guardian angel investor was posting about owning a Roomba on Facebook. She is angry that Roomba is covertly surveilling her house for marketing purposes.

Of course, I saw the perfect direct-contact marketing opportunity, so I struck up a message,

Me: I see that you’re interested in Roombas. Did you know, I wrote an ebook about Roombas that might have interest to those who have interest in Roombas.

Angel Investor: I do not like my Roomba. You can have it for free. It is a dysfunctional vacuum cleaner and sells the mapping data of my house. It is a sad machine.

Me: This is excellent! You have solved my business problem of “Always Wanting To Own A Roomba But Not Being Able To Afford Or Even Justify Buying An Expensive, Poorly-Reviewed Machine” Would you be interested in reading about Roombas having sex?

Angel Investor: I am not interested. I do not like Roombas. They are bad. This book is not for me. Get it out of my house as soon as possible.

Fast-forward to today: Mine is a story of abject success and prosperity.

I completed my goal, “Write an ebook about Roombas in hopes of making enough money to buy a Roomba,” flawlessly. I own a Roomba now!

I never need to make money ever again…

That’s why I’m giving away Roomba Romance: Ravished By Roomba for free. I want to share my love of Roombas with you.

This is mine and I’m allowed to do whatever I want with it.

And if we fast-forward to tomorrow, I will be alone, in my apartment, just me and my new Roomba. Hold my calls, for it will be glorious!

And if we fast forward a few more years after that, prepare yourself for the sequel military sci-fi adventure, ROOMBA ROMANCE TOO: OVERCAME BY ROOMBA.

~!~!~!~!~!~CLICK HERE AND SEE HOW ROOMBAS HAVE HOT, XXX SEX FOR FREE!~!~!~!~!~!~

Nicky Martin

Written by

botnik.org managing editor. blogging about writing & SF

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