Expectation vs. Reality: 28 Things That Really Happened When I Moved to New York City
I’m saying farewell to Manhattan and hello to Columbus, OH.
About two years ago I wrote a Thought Catalog piece to ease my concerns about making a major post-graduation move: 28 Things I Imagine Will Happen When I Move to NYC.
I wasn’t chasing any cliché-laden Manhattan dream. At the time, my career was my priority, and New York City was where I had to be to get on the right track. I hated the adulation in response to my plan to move; to me it wasn’t courageous, it was an absolute privilege.
In those two years my priorities have shifted. (And if your priorities don’t shift at a breakneck pace between ages 22 and 24, I’d argue you’re doing something very wrong.) While a fulfilling career remains hugely important to me, I can see how important it is to build an enriching lifestyle when the work’s been done. To me, that enrichment involves family, old friends, land to roam and a warm community — none of which I personally have found in New York City. All of which awaits in Columbus, OH.
What I have found in New York City is diversity. I’ve found a new and undying sense of adventure. I’ve discovered confidence, pride and how far these two things can take you. I’ll miss my favorite places (mostly dive bars, comedy clubs and museums) and I’ll definitely miss friends I’ve made along the way. I’ll spare you my own “too long at the fair” prose, but just rest assured that the sentiment rings true.
Now that the naiveté has been tarnished, and as I irresistibly romanticize saying goodbye to “the shining and perishable dream itself,” here are my 28 New York City realities.
1. Expectation: “I will be madly in love with my extremely humble abode.”
Reality: Words like “madly” and “love” may be stretching it, dear. But at first, it did feel great to have your own, albeit very tiny, corner of exposed brick on the Upper East Side. You couldn’t have foreseen your first place would burn down, don’t feel too bad about it.
“Something about having that first New York City apartment made suffering fun. Maybe not fun, but novel, a sacrificial rite of passage.” -Marie Myung-Ok Lee
2. Expectation: “I will be forever alone.”
Reality: Here I’d like to pause to thank my friends for accepting me — melodrama and all.
Several dating apps and backslides to college exes later, no, you were not forever alone. You learned how to enjoy a first date, what a doozy. You learned that chemistry is more important than timing. Above all you learned to enjoy being alone, and that changed the game entirely.
Not to mention, adopting that rescue mutt helped a lot.
3. Expectation: I will be contently married to the hustle.
Reality: This…this has changed completely. I no longer believe in the hustle. And maybe that’s why NYC isn’t for me. I learned how to see right through those that rise and grind. What’s really worth committing to? Growth.
4. Expectation: “I will finally learn to eat right, out of broke assed-ness and necessity.”
Reality: Dream on. There’s too much good food to experience in NYC.
“I spend money on martinis and expensive dinners because, as is typical among my species of debtor, I tell myself that martinis and expensive dinners are the entire points of being young, the point of living in NYC, the point of living.” -Meghan Daum
5. Expectation: “I will lose my claim to authenticity.”
Reality: You cried when you quit your first job. You’ve watched every Cleveland Cavaliers game you could catch. You even attended Fashion Week events in flats. If anything, you’ve become more true to yourself by being placed outside of your comfort zone.
6. Expectation: “I will finally be able to accept the fact that there’s no practical relevance to the assignment of letters AND numbers to the subway lines.”
Reality: It will take a week, max, to master your commute. The rest really doesn’t matter.
7. Expectation: “I will still love the tourist destinations.”
Reality: *pours wine*
False.
You’ll have plenty of visitors as an Ohioan living in NYC. It’s a blast showing your friends and family your new life, but showing them Times Square will become a dreaded task. Forego the conventional tour every chance you get, it’s so much more fun to make unique memories together.
8. Expectation: “I will feel like Blair Waldorf fiending after my secret society key.”
Reality: Sometimes, true. Office politics might feel like a demotion to high school drama and there will be times you wish that you could convince everyone you love to move to Manhattan with you. You’ll learn to let go of expectation and comparison and to be grateful for your own unique experience.
9. Expectation: “I will find my McClaren’s.”
Reality: It happened. A little dive at 3rd & 82nd hosted some of your favorite memories in the city. It took a few failed attempts to find the right place, but perseverance paid off in Stella Artois.
10. Expectation: “I will get back in touch with the arts.”
Reality: Degas at The Met. Broadway shows every few months. A free Stevie Wonder concert in Central Park. It’s been one of the best things about living here.
11. Expectation: “I will finally escape recognition of my ‘Cleveland A’ accent.”
Reality: Somehow you lost the Cleveland “A” and acquired the Bronx “coffee.” But, in the larger scope of things, you had to leave home to appreciate where you were from. Now you’d be proud to be called out for saying “in line” rather than “on line.”
12. Expectation: “I will master the art of being comfortably alone in a sea of people.”
Reality: It’s quite the talent. Crowded commutes, Trump protests, restaurants the size of a standard bedroom — if you can’t shake off your surroundings, you’ll never be able to appreciate the redeeming qualities of city living.
“I feel New York inside me when I talk too loudly, when I’m in line for coffee and feel rageful and restless, when I ask inappropriate questions of strangers.” — Chloe Caldwell
13. Expectation: “I will blink and my entire wardrobe will fade to black.”
Reality: You will try to talk yourself into buying something more colorful, but more often than not you won’t be able to resist the monochromatic uniform.
14. Expectation: “I will miss my fluency in French.”
Reality: Spot on with that one. Not that you’ve tried much outside of Duolingo to redeem yourself. Language classes are expensive and Meetups always seem too stuffy. Your lack of a second language will feel increasingly shameful.
15. Expectation: “I will be inspired by the strangers that scoff at my attempts to run Central Park.”
Reality: You’ll learn to love your routes around the reservoir and the East River too much to care. You’re not the best one on the track, but you’re certainly not the worst.
16. Expectation: “I will become endlessly thankful for my preference for black coffee.”
Reality: Your caffeine consumption will triple by the time you leave. Your typical choice of black coffee will be uprooted by a preference for Americanos. A moot point, because it’s all expensive as hell anyways.
17. Expectation: “I will discover the city girl’s secret to a successful night out in high heels.”
Reality: Two weeks ago you turned 24 and made a friend scurry over to Duane Reade with you to swap out your heels for $9.99 flip flops just three hours into the celebration. Therefore, false.
18. Expectation: “I will have an even harder time cutting off Netflix binging sessions.”
Reality: Changes in the media industry really make this one unfair. Plus the evolution of Netflix & chill. I’m allowing myself to skip.
19. Expectation: “I will miss driving my car.”
Reality: You did miss driving your car enough to justify parking that puppy in Newark for the past 8 months. The freedom of making a weekend getaway on a whim was too much to resist. In the end? So worth it.
20. Expectation: “I will care less about enemies.”
Reality: Who goes to Manhattan and becomes less neurotic? Somehow, me.
I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been before. I no longer keep “enemies” and I do think a lot of this personal growth stemmed from leaving my pack.
21. Expectation: “I will feel like a true city-dweller once I get into an efficient and cost-effective laundry routine.”
Reality: As a walkup resident, I’m wholly convinced this is impossible.
The laundromat will resent you for washing your own clothes if you can somehow manage to maneuver the 40 pound bag down your stairs and across three blocks.
The delivery service will slip random pairs of jeans and panties (true story) into your folded laundry, leaving you to question what you’re missing.
22. Expectation: “I will take semi-regular trips to Connecticut beaches.”
Reality: I’ve still never been to a Connecticut beach. But I did learn that regular escapes from the city — whether to explore someplace new or to visit family in Ohio — were key to my sanity.
23. Expectation: “I will mysteriously find my way to these cool rooftop shenanigans you’re always Instagramming.”
Reality: Easy. (Still cool, though.)
24. Expectation: “I will either cherish or dread commute time.”
Reality: The best commute of my life was when I lived in San Francisco’s North Beach neighborhood and got to walk a mile to work every day. The worst was taking the NYC 6 train for forty minutes during my first year in the city.
I can now say that working from home for a year in Manhattan will make you miss a commute to the office.
“For every lovely moment with lovely people in New York, there was a deeply humbling moment — getting lost, trying to hail a cab in the rain, dealing with the constant crush of people, feeling desperately out of place among so many sophisticated, beautiful people.” — Roxane Gay
25. Expectation: …in writing this I noticed that I skipped #25 on the original piece. So…
Reality: You found some trusted editors.
26. Expectation: “I will increasingly resent the lie that is Samantha Jones.”
Reality: New Yorkers were more open-minded than you’d expected, for the most part. Most of the energy you invest in breaking down stereotypes is done for your closest friends.
27. Expectation: “I will spend a healthy amount of time coercing different family members to visit me for the holidays.”
Reality: And it worked!
#28: “No matter what comes my way, I will be deservedly proud that I chose to follow dreams instead of people.”
Reality: What happened here was no mistake. I’m so grateful that I had this time in New York City for every grueling, glamorous lesson its offered me.
