Dance is sex 💃🍆 On Rock and seduction
Dancing is like seduction — 3 principles of French Rock — 3 principles of seduction
For the past few months, I’ve been pondering and researching and discussing the current state of our knowledge about the theory of consciousness. But today I have chosen to write about a lighter subject. Consciousness will wait.
One month ago, I was introduced to dancing by a couple of friends. In France, the most mainstream dance white bourges like me can use in to impress girls in rallies is Rock. Although Rock’n’Roll is very well known in the US, it goes a little bit different in France for we have two special kinds of Rock. The first is the Rock à 6 temps, or 6-step Rock, and the second is the Rock à 4 temps, the 4-step Rock. It is the latter we are interested in, simply because the former is less recent and usually danced by people like my parents. Both are couple dances, in which there is a leader (usually male), and a follower (usually female). Yes, dance is sexist because it doesn’t care about the civilisation egalitarianism bullshit, it’s just the animal part of us coming out.
In this piece, I am simply going to give you the three basic principles of this french dance and how they relate to a few basic principles of seduction.
Je t’aime… moi non plus (I love you… me neither) 🙏
Serge Gainsbourg is a legendary french singer, notorious for his rebel temperament. He was also a very talented seducer and his songs testify for this. He wrote Je t’aime… moi non plus as a duet for himself and the splendid Brigitte Bardot. The title of this song illustrates perfectly the first rule of Rock, the connection. The connection is based on a simple principle. If I pull you, you pull back. If I push you, you push back. And the pushing-pulling will almost always be present during the dance. Push-pull. This way there is always a connection between the two dancers. It is the mutual resistance that enables the leader to control the follower. Counterintuitively, it is because the two dancers resist that it brings the two of them closer, emotionally. They can always feel each other’s body.
In seduction, the push-pull is also a key principle. Here’s a little class on how male-female relationships work on the animal level. Males want to reproduce as many times as possible. Females want to reproduce with the most viable male. Why? Simply because reproduction costs a few minutes for males, so they don’t really care about the consequences, but it costs nine months for females. So, in a nutshell, males chase females for their eggs. What is seduction then? It’s the reversal of the roles. Those are very complex and intricate psychosocial mechanism so I won’t dive into details. But it all sums up in showing the woman that you want her but don’t need her. So you pull her to you, being nice and interesting and invested, then you push her away, showing that you don’t really care, even being a little mean. Thinking that she did something wrong, she will be confused and seek your attention and approbation. The female that’s usually being chased now finds herself chasing you! Then, you can pull her back to you and start again. This emotional yo-yo is delicious for both gender. Push-pull.
So, what if you don’t push back? What if I push your hand in a dance but you don’t reciprocate with any resistance? Well, the connection breaks, the dance doesn’t bring us closer anymore, I lose track of where you are going, what you feel and what you think. What if I tease you with a joke but you don’t respond? What if you stay passive and don’t get a little mad or laugh? Then, the connection breaks, the comedy doesn’t bring us closer anymore, I lose track of your attention, what you feel and what you think.
I want you, get the fuck away from me.
Dancing tip: Really play with this, for example by sometimes breaking the connection. At some point during the dance, just leave the hand of your follower. She will feel like naked, then get her back. It has to last no more than two seconds! (thank you OSS 117)
Rules are meant to be broken 🖕
Naturally, Rock comes with a predefined set of moves that some people, sadly, understand as rigid rules. For example, I’ve noticed that 90% of dancers, when pushing three times on the hand, will then mechanically spin around themselves, it’s almost algorithmic. Where’s the fun with that? Rules are meant to be broken. The leader can and is welcom to adopt an unexpected behaviour. Push her hand 4, 7 or 15 times if you want, as long as breaking the rules enables you to communicate stronger feelings. Weird, or even ridiculous, long pauses, unseen moves, you have to adapt your behaviour to the music. A guy that is surprising is a guy that is attractive.
Indeed, dance is meant to make you express physically what the music makes you feel. There are codes that enable people to communicate these emotions with the same body language. You have to interprete these codes to adapt them to the music. Last night, a girl I danced with told me “It’s awesome to dance with someone that really understands the music”. That’s the most important thing, understand what you are doing rather than procedurally performing the movements step by step. When you understand, you can feel, and when you feel, you can invent new moves and become creative. Same with seduction? Yes. Understand the girl, the context and the feeling that’s going on and it will be worth a thousand incongruent red roses 🥀.
Dancing tip: at some point in a dance, take a change in the rythme of the music as an opportunity to dance ridiculously with your partner. Just invent a dance with them, just have fun like kids.
The antennas 🐜
As any leadership book or sociology class will tell you, there is always a leader and a follower in a relationship between two people — whether professional, platonic or romantic. It naturally goes the same in a dance couple.
So there has to be a leader that decides where he wants the couple to go, what to do and at what speed. Leading a dance is pretty tough, especially for beginners. You are still learning what you have to do, but at the same time, you’re supposed to pay attention to your partner! But girls, don’t think following is a passive process! First, following means that you cannot take the lead, except when really appropriate (and when you’re experienced). This can seem obvious, but letting ourselves get controlled can be very complicated because it doesn’t happen often in our daily lives. Old habits die hard, and women usually can’t help themselves but anticipate the guy’s moves.
Second, and most important, you have to be extremely aware of your partner. Use your sixth sense to feel them. As my dancer friend says to women, “you have to turn your tiny women antennas on to feel the guy”. This is a very subtle process, meaning that you have to constantly be ready to react to every change in motion. But you know what? It is when you lose total control over yourself that things become very powerful and amazingly satisfying. And, in order to lose this control, you have to be a good follower.
Now, the seduction process is also based on the sensitivity of the woman. Seducing is a constant test of the man by the woman. The woman is constantly judging, consciously or unconsciously, what the guy is trying to communicate. It goes the same except the “turn right”, “turn left” or “take my hand” instructions become “I like you”, “I want to kiss you”, “I don’t care about you”, and so on.
Dancing tip: guys, practice dancing as a follower, you’ll learn a lot about how your follower feels.
Final thought 🇲🇽
I just came back from Mexico and I danced Bachata there in night clubs. It’s funny how people think Bachata is more sensual that Rock. It is, in one way, because the bodies of the dancers are closer and it goes slower. But here is the interesting thing: the connection is weak. The guy dances and the girl dances is front of him, and they just hold hands in the process. But the real connection, the feeling, the push-pull, the game… I didn’t feel any of it. And you know what? People have sex very easily in this country. The process of seduction, especially in clubs, is almost inexistant too, or at least is very short. They don’t know this (annoying) experience of the french girl repeatedly rejecting you and then being nice to you over and over again.
Now, I’m not saying the Rock / French way is better — I might even go back to Mexico in the near future for how much I loved it — but I just wanted to share this thought on the difference between sensuality (Bachata) and seduction (Rock). Rock embodies seduction, a two-player game. In order to enjoy it, you must create and maintain the connection between the two players who feel each other out. Bachata embodies sensuality, a two-body experience. It is a shortcut to the burning feeling of passion and sex.
To discover the Rock à 4 Temps in Paris this summer (and all year long), join Adrien and Justine’s classes and parties! Look how beautiful they are 😍 → https://www.meetup.com/Rock-4-Temps-Adrien-Justine/