Four Wheels Good, Two Wheels Bad
Four Wheel driving in the Australian Bush
When Lockie starts handing round the two-way radios, I can tell he’s taking it seriously. Various people have already checked whether I’ve got warm clothes, the right footwear, enough water…. and then one of the kids comes up to me and asks me whether I’ve ever been Four Wheel Driving before? From the dramatic tone she uses, she might as well be asking me if I’ve ever walked a tightrope over a raging river…. Wtf? And here’s me thinking, we were going for a nice little two hour drive in the Australian countryside.
I suppose it’s good to be prepared. After all, in London, 4WD’s (or “Chelsea Tractors” as they are labelled) are mostly used for the “school run” and their owners’ idea of country driving is the occasional foray into Richmond Park for a picnic. However the way my Australian friends are carrying on, I feel like I’m going on safari and should be on the lookout for marauding wombats!
There are eleven of us (adults and kids) and we’re travelling in a convoy of three cars. I’m with Ciccotito in Car 2. It’s his first time 4WDing so the seasoned veterans have sandwiched us in the middle. Dixon and crew are the “scouts” in front so they’ll be the first to be ambushed by hungry cannibals or encounter any freshly-laid land mines. Lockie and co will follow behind in case we’re attacked from the rear by gangs of koalas or the Last of the bloody Mohicans.
Now, after my encounter in the driveway some months ago when the car slipped on the wet leaves and somehow twisted round so that it got wedged in the mud and needed Dixon to come home and engage the 4WD to free it, I am happy to confess that I know little about four wheel driving. There are high gears and low gears and you apparently need to let air out of the tyres so that the car has more contact with the terrain. And you need to plan the route etc. Too much palaver. Dixon and Lockie are huddling over the map like a couple of witches over a cauldron and my guess is that they’re looking for a combination of hills, rivers and mud.
Naturally enough, my childish mind is drawn towards Mount Little Dick but instead we veer off to the right of the Great Alpine Road at Peters Creek Road. Sounds promising enough. At least there should be water.
I’m not entirely sure why these tracks are here. I guess originally it was for the purpose of forestry access but otherwise they don’t seem to lead anywhere but round in circles and I have a sneaky suspicion that they’ve just been carved out of the bush over time by Four Wheel Drivers for purely recreational reasons. The first couple of tracks we take are very sedate. More of a carousel ride than a big dipper. Sure, it’s a bumpy ride and there’s the odd fallen branch that we have to negotiate around but there’s not the excess water and mud that the otherwise lush green landscape might suggest. We come to the crest of a hill, and through the treeline, the views remind me of something I’ve seen before but I can’t put my finger on it.
The troops are getting restless as the terrain is not providing enough entertainment. Puck who is sitting in the front seat of the lead vehicle and therefore sees himself as some sort of Lieutenant is singing inaudibly into the walkie-talkie. I’m passing round the jelly beans. Lockie is frustrated that Car 2 is pussy-footing around and so gives Ciccotito the orders to “step on it.”
Eventually we arrive at a clearing and each regiment is stood down while the two Generals discuss the next plan of attack. I separate from the platoon in order to have a bush pee. While I am performing that I realise why the landscape looks familiar — it reminds me a bit of the film Deliverance. A shudder goes down my spine and I nervously listen out for the sound of squealing pigs and zip up as quickly as I can, rejoining the others.
We cross the highway and head down the Big Creek track. This provides some entertainment although it’s not quite as big as it threatens.
After a couple of hours we decide to finish up. I sense that as far as the generals are concerned, the tracks have proved a little disappointing today. Their adrenaline has not pumped but like the creeks we’ve crossed, just trickled.
What I find extraordinary is that we don’t encounter a single person or another car on our trip. It’s amazing that you can quickly lose yourself in the wilderness where the outside world has little relevance. With no phone coverage, I now understand the sense in travelling in groups and having the basic necessities in case of any problems. Still, I’ve enjoyed my first off-road trip and the kids seem happy to have got out of the house. More to the point and something which we should be even more grateful for, we found our way out without bumping into any cross-eyed boy playing a banjo.
