To the strongest woman I know
How long has it been since I wrote you a letter — maybe in elementary, when our teacher forced us to do those floral cards on Mother’s Day? Or in high school when they ask to do the same? I can’t really remember.
I’ve been longing to blog about something for the past two weeks and I can’t seem to find out where the push is coming from. Since the day you came over, I felt lighter…unimaginably lighter. Today, I realized that it must have been you who made the difference.
For a long while, we haven’t been left together. Together, like just the two of us. You would come around with dad or for your appointments with Doc but talks seemed overrated since we talk every day over the phone. It felt like what else is there to talk about, right? You know where I am, you know I’m safe and I know you’re just there.
When I started going to The Feast, I’ve longed to go with you. I’d tell you every time how God seems so close to you that whenever it’s you praying for my struggles, things change instantly. I never thought I’d draw close to Him and see where your miracles are coming from.
I’ve been praying that eventually you’d start understanding how indifferent of a second child I am. I talk to God every day and I would tell Him to tell you that my choices might be “unique” but it surely is making me happy and I can’t wait to share my growth and happiness with you. If there’s any one else constant in my life right now and for the rest of my lifetime, it’s you…it will always be you.
I start at going this far. You knew from the start how far I would love to go, how much I want to test my independence and how stubborn I am when it comes to moving out. I know how much you wanted me to go back. I want you to know that on days you tell me to just go back and be closer, those are the days I honestly just wanna leave everything and be right where you are. Where you are is where comfort is. Yes, you get whiny and demanding but where you are is where my favourite food are and so is forgiveness. I can keep making mistakes and you wouldn’t lock me out of the house for it.
You are best whenever you pull me closer to your arms but you are nothing less of an amazing mom for letting me discover the corners of this universe, no matter how sharp they are.
Second, I thank you for never-endingly reminding me to stay healthy. People wonder on who ever forgets to eat their meals but you know that I do. I forget to grab breakfast and I forget to count the numerous times I would spend for fastfood. I thank you for imposing that I stay healthy because it only meant you wanted me to live longer as much as I can. It only meant that you know there’s so much about life I am yet to discover.
Today, I laughed at the part where you told me that you saw the ink in my skin on the first day you were here and you chose to wait until I finally say it and tell you what it meant. You could have asked. You had every right to ask. But there you were, more than a mother, you were a friend. I wish I knew what you were thinking at the back of your head. Although that’s not something a daughter would find out. Daughters never really knew the logic behind getting scolded and still being fed. I will never know how much love you have in that heart that your understanding is as vast as the horizons and as deep as the ocean.
Lastly, thank you for always putting us first. You started young on this journey of motherhood and there’s still so much adventure you are yet to seek. Nevertheless, you chose to bring three heavy baggage with you. Each and every time you go out there, you share your experience with us. You started learning “techy” things and blended well with your clothes. You never stopped checking on what’s new and what could look good for us.
Mom, you are the strongest woman I know. I thought I knew you all my life, but no. It’s unbelievable how much there is yet to discover about you and your strength. Hearing your stories from two weeks ago made me weak. I am brave for facing the current but you are indescribably courageous for going through it and got out of the sea, still in one piece.
Depression is just around the neighborhood and it can knock at your doors, yet again. This time around, know that you’re not alone. No matter how far we are from you, love overcomes distance. One’s faith can conquer fear but one family’s faith can move mountains.
Beyond words know how much I/we love you,