The One Thing that Stopped Bullying — And How Much I Regret Not Doing it Earlier
Bullying can ruin your childhood but there’s one thing that can prevent it from ruining your youth too. I was in the same school for 10 years, from 1st to 10th grade. I got bullied from the 2nd to 7th grade with some bullying from 7th to the 10th grade too. It killed all self-esteem I had and it turned me into the extreme introvert I am today.
There are ways to build skills that make you more confident when speaking to others, though. I am beginning to build my social communicative skills, though.
I will update you in a later post on how to be more confident when driving conversations. This will make conversations last longer without awkwardness. To do this, ask the right questions and keep the questions relevant. More on that in a later post, though.
So, what is the one thing that stopped bullying, made me REAL friends and made me more confident? It’s simple. The bullying stopped after the 10th grade because we stopped attending that school. So I simply changed school. Yup, it’s that simple. The reason it works is plain simple too. If you change school and meet new friends, there are no prejudices and you don’t have a certain role in society. You simply start a new life. That said, it is important to attend a school that is far enough away. How long is far enough, though? There isn’t one certain distance. The short answer is, it depends. You wanna go so far away that no one from your area attends that school. You will spend more time on transport but you can avoid bullying and kiss your stupid ass ‘’friends’’ goodbye. Then, with real friends, you can be way more confident in yourself.
To put things into perspective, the time to get to my local college takes about 15 minutes with a bike. To get to my current college, it takes 30 minutes by car! By bike, it would most likely take more than an hour and by public transport, it would take 1 hour and 30 minutes. Yup, Danish transport system in a nutshell. Anyways, it’s all worth it. I invested in some cheap car just to get my ass transported and it was all worth it. I wouldn’t survive college if I went into the local one because the bullying would most likely continue.
Please do me a favor and ask yourself this one simple question. Are you happy where you are now? Are you alone? Do you consider your friends as being real to you? Do they support you? You can go on from here… These questions are pretty related. If you say no to one, it’s likely you are gonna say no to more of the questions. If you say no, you are probably not happy. Then you can ask questions like for example, are my problems caused by loneliness? Is the loneliness caused by my friends not being real friends, or am I just not destined to be with those friends?
Sometimes, you are not happy, but that doesn’t have to come from bullying. Sometimes, you and your friends just don’t have that special chemistry. If it’s the case that you are not happy, then it’s best for you to change school. I know it’s a big leap to take, especially if you are young.
And as parents, it’s hard to talk to teenagers or kids because they tend to hide it from you. Why do they hide it from you? Because it’s embarrassing to tell. From very early on, you are being considered a pussy if you snitch on someone by telling a teacher. It’s the sad truth. So the best thing for you to do as a parent is to request the teachers to keep an eye out for your kid for a week or so. Yes, kind of like spy on them and see if they are alone or if they don’t get treated well. Sometimes, not having one friend that they talk to more than others can be a sign of not having real friends too. If a kid doesn’t have a certain group they hang out with, it can be a sign of the kid not fitting in, so they tend to hang out with everyone.
So, ask teachers to keep an eye out for him, it’s the only way I know that would get over the hurdle of making your kid tell you. If you tell your kid that you can see something is not right, then he will be more likely to tell you. Then you can slowly begin to talk about the issues.
If you begin to offer changing school, the most typical answer would be no. But that’s not because your kid doesn’t want to, it’s just a frighteningly big leap to take as a kid.
Forcing the kid might be the best thing to do. Look, I don’t like the idea of forcing someone, but if it’s for the kid’s own good, then it’s seriously the best thing to do. Look, the kid doesn’t know how powerful changing school is, so they don’t focus on that when saying no to changing school. The only things they have in their mind is the unknown.
They need to learn a new route, worry about changing place, how are the new teachers? Is it easy to navigate in the school? etc. They are afraid of the unknown. They don’t know how much changing school can help, so they don’t base their answer on that.
You gotta understand that the kid doesn’t know any better and neither did I when I was a kid. But look at me now, I am in regret because I didn’t change school earlier than I did and what happened then? I don’t have any childhood memories to look back at with happiness. Except for my family memories, though. It took me a long time to build up confidence in my own identity and build up social communicative skills.
So do me a favor, ask your kid if there are any problems in school. If your kid says no, then ask teachers to keep an eye out for your kid.
Are you feeling bullied or not happy around your classmates or friends/’’friends’’? Then talk to your parents about changing school. Don’t talk to teachers. All they will do is praise about their mutual friendship horseshit! That you need to learn to be friends with the friends you have. Basically, they want you to friends with friends that you don’t function with.
When is the last time that ever worked? Right, fucking never! So talk to your parents instead, please, do it! I know that it’s horrendously hard, but it will benefit you a lot, trust me, it will! It will not only benefit you in the short term but most importantly in the long term!
So by reading this, you have learned:
1. Bullying isn’t the only reason that you may feel lonely, or not feel your friends are great friends.
2. What questions to ask to identify your situation, and find out if you are not happy where you are now.
3. The one thing that fixes the problems you may have, how to put it into action and how important it is to do so.
Please, take this into action and transform your life or your kid’s life!
I am looking forward to writing the next post on how to build conversational skills! See you there!
Do you know anyone who will enjoy this post? Then give it a heart and share it with anyone who can benefit from this! Don’t forget to comment your side of the story! Let’s get inspired by each other’s support and techniques to avoid bullying.
Bullying can’t be prevented, but actions can be taken to avoid it!