This isn’t a fancy article for a publication. This won’t be proofread. There’s loads of typos. It’s just a raw dump of what’s been in my brain for sanity’s sake. Maybe the content will eventually fuel a formal submission, but for now…this isn’t it.

11:10 am

I’m going to say it: children on Zoom are the most fucking obnoxious creatures on earth. Specifically, first graders. I have lost all grace and patience with them today. …

It’s hard being a mom. Yes, before anyone comes after me, being a father is hard work too blah blah blah. But the mental load and extra work typically fall on the mother. There are studies on it. Google it if you don’t believe me.

And then Covid came along.

Any little bit of respite we had went out the window. If you had help from grandparents, they had to stay away for the sake of their health. Schools transitioned to a virtual model so not only did we lose the few hours the kids were out of the house…

This isn’t a fancy article for a publication. This won’t be proofread. There’s loads of typos. It’s just a raw dump of what’s been in my brain for sanity’s sake. Maybe the content will eventually fuel a formal submission, but for now…this isn’t it.

4:30 pm

Today, I have not one but TWO in-person social interactions outside of my house. That’s the mental equivalent of going on a week-long booze cruise at this point. I had a socially-distanced lunch with a friend and this evening I’m doing a socially-distanced night of drinking with some other friends at one of their houses.

In…

This isn’t a fancy article for a publication. This won’t be proofread. It’s just a raw dump of what’s been in my brain for sanity’s sake. Maybe the content will eventually fuel a formal submission, but for now…this isn’t it.

9:00 am

I usually bang out my “formal” Medium articles in one sitting (and then revisit later for editing). I’ve got one that’s taking me days to finish about Mother/Daughter toxic relationships, I struggle to write another article until the first one is done. So here I am, barely writing anything other than my brain dumps here.

I want to sign up…

This isn’t a fancy article for a publication. This won’t be proofread. It’s just a raw dump of what’s been in my brain for sanity sake. Maybe the content will eventually fuel a formal submission, but for now…this isn’t it.

1:00 pm

Slowly telling more people about the split. I would tell more but at this point, I kind of forget.

But then I realized: I only have 3 months left of this. Okay more like 3.5 but I figure by start of June we can start looking at rentals for the nesting thing.

I finally have an end date…

If there’s one thing I can give myself credit for is that when I’m done, I’m done. Last night I decided: I’m done being a whiny, weepy crybaby.

2020 saw the end of my meaningful relationship with Jon but we’re unable to move on emotionally. He has a new girlfriend but after a Come to Jesus conversation last week and seeing each other for the first time in months, I confessed that I’m unable to move on with someone new while I’m still in love. And that I’ll need to try my best with No Contact to make that happen.

…

This isn’t a fancy article for a publication. This won’t be proofread. It’s just a raw dump of what’s been in my brain for sanity sake. Maybe the content will eventually fuel a formal submission, but for now…this isn’t it.

9:00am

Day 8 of No Contact. I’m not a hysterical mess like I was a week ago. Had a few epiphanies that helped a lot.

Working super hard on changing my sh*tty mindset over being stuck at home. I struggle with either constant interruptions from the kids, random distractions from the quasi-ex (when he walks in the bedroom, where I…

I have been dealing with the same fucking breakup since June 2020.

That was over 7 months ago. I’m the girl who gets over multiple year-long relationships within hours. This is unlike me. It’s unnerving. Homeboy got under my skin. We ended things on good terms, which is a first for me. And we had a massive conversation last week, in person, which I knew would leave me reeling.

It was the risk I took seeing him and now I’m stewing in the emotional consequences.

Jon has also thrown little scraps my way every so often, enough to make an…