Birthdays are still fairy tale moments for some people like me!
Birthdays are still fairy tale moments for some people like me!
No matter how much I move past in my life, and how much I think I try to outgrow myself and become the person I want myself to be, there is a certain something I’m never willing to unlearn/ change thoughts about…
And that is the super-duper importance I place for birthdays!
Birthdays are those days which I personally believe is exclusively meant for oneself. I’m sure there would be million who would wanna rebel at this point stating “Each of the 365 days is ours and we are meant to be happy everyday”. I know. I’m aware of the fact and I agree to it too..
But somehow, there is something about birthdays! There is always this feeling, or may be some sort of fantasy which I have been having since my childhood — Birthdays are like theeee BESTEST of days for one and one is meant to spent each and every second of that day with joy, happiness, excitement. No matter which phase of life you are in — Sad/ low state, Okayish-kinda state, contented state, or whatever, one is supposed to be super-duper happy, each and every second of that day…
However, this habit of over-stressing importance of birthdays has left me disappointed in more than one instances. Ofc, Why not. When you expect that sort of magical — happy- perfect- enjoyable kind of day, you tend to place a lot of expectation on people around you, to make it a “Living heaven” for you- To have all sorts of outing you like — a morning walk, breakfast at your fav place, Lunch at home, followed by your favorite movie as you spend the noon under sheets, and have a nice cozy dinner at that restaurant you always wanted to go to.
Spoiler alert — No one is gonna magically show up and make it happen for you, exactly the way you want. Everything perfectly planned that you spend no minute doing regular chore, that this one day you are a heavenly princess and everything is meant to happen to you, the way you desire.
How fancy!!!
And the irony is you wanted all of this to happen so you could be happier that day, but its absence causes you so much distress , it takes away even the little joy you had.”
And before you know, you are stuck in this vicious loop of
“Expecting lot from people” & “Getting disappointed that is not per expectation.
Resulting feeling → Distress, bitterness, Lone, Disappointed
Do you know why it fails? (Almost every single time)
1) No one owes you happiness. You are the only person who can make yourselves happy.
2) No one knows “You” like you do.
3) Bitter it might sound, Birthdays aren’t really given that much importance to, by everyone
4) There is nothing called “The Perfect plan”
5) Expecting happiness from outside by someone other than us is like expecting a door to open magically without you placing the key in your hand.
I commited that mistake over and over again, placing lots of expectations on people around me to make it more enjoyable and it failed everytime. It is ironical, coz, assume you are in normalcy state with normal emotions & then you want X,Y,Z surprises so you can be in excited state, lot happier.
But the moment those things dont happen, you dont stay in your normal state, you go further down, coz, absence of those surprises instills in you deep rooted frustration and a feeling of not being cared.
Taking a step back and thinking a bit more makes one realise — May be it is not the expectation that was wrong, it is the one on whom it is placed that is probably causing all the distress.
Perhaps, if we truly want to be happy that day, all it needs is some love from within, from oneself. We still can make our “so-called Perfect Plan” we had always had in mind and for once be the person who is executing it. Afterall it’s our plan, our dream. Nobody could do it better than us. And that will reduce the expectation on outside world and find happiness & contentment from within.
And with that in mind, and the fervent interest towards celebrating birthdays to the fullest + not placing expectation on others, this birthday (Oh Yess!! It’s my Birthday Month September!!!) I thought I could come up with a little something for myself.
A Bullet Journal, A Checklist, with list of all the things I wanna do on my Bday, probably with little/ not much reliance on others, so I could manage to still stay a happy princess in my head! :-p
1. Wake up at 6 am. (Sorry, If I already lost you at this point, if you think like — “Oh Damn!!! Who wants to wake up so early on their Bday!! Duhh!!!”)
2. Go for a walk at Durgam Cheruvu Bridge. (Oh Yes! I love walking, sorry if you are too lazy to put your feet back on the street)
3. Come back home for a Minimalistic yet delicious breakfast — Ghee Dosa & Spicy Coconut Chutney, Tangy Tomato Chutney, may be some podi. (U’d think “She calls that minimalistic?” Yes I do! We south indians can add endless list to our breakfast recipe and still not be done :-P)
4. Journal in my Art Journalling book — Something related to transition across ages, childhood pics, an abstract art, a poem/ quote about that day. (Yes!! I glue bits of pieces of paper together, and call it art aka Junk journal!)
5. Have a nice Ginger chai & read my favorite book — “Me Before you” (A book, I’d never opened inspite of buying a year back. There is name for it
“Book Hoarders” aka “tsundoku” !!)
6. Go out for lunch at a nice café — (May be for this, I can steal my husband as he would never say No to Good Food)
7. Come back home and take a nice nap (Afterall, I deserve it, after all this hard work & endless chilling)
8. Evening go out and hang out with friends at favourite café !! (Since they are friends, you can force them tooo !! and make them come with you even if they are not interested. After all, that’s what they signed up for, after enfriending you)
9. Come back home to a beautiful end. Write in my journal, how the day went, how I liked it, may be add a picture from the day to scrapbook. (Aka rewrite this entire checklist with status update :-p Not to get all self-obsessed, but a lil self-love doesn’t hurt huh!!)
10. Most importantly be open to this day not going per plan and flow naturally in any way it wants. (Coz, I’m pretty sure, that is gonna happen)
Don’t forget to have a wonderful birthday, no matter how aligned/ unaligned it is to the plan!!
So like I said, this is the perfect formula I’ve potioned for myself!! In a week or so we will know how this potion worked out!!! Stay Tuned!! To know,
If this a working formula after all :-p
Do check out the followup post on how my birthday actually went —
2023 — A Birthday to remember — Story of Gratitude and Love
