The Cleveland Cavaliers Are Front Runners — But It’s Not For An NBA Title

The Cleveland Cavaliers offseason has been one for the history books. After a lackadaisical ending to the season last year, Cleveland feels like they’ve added the right pieces to their puzzle in order to win a championship. Let’s take a look at the different moves they’ve made …

• Darius Garland signs rookie scale extension
• Signed Raul Neto
• Signed Robin Lopez
• Traded for Caris LaVert (end of last season)
• Traded for Donovan Mitchell

Those are some big names that will be making big plays for the Cavs this coming up season. None bigger than Donovan Mitchell, who has had a multitude of MVP-equivilant seasons under his belt.

Think about how close Cleveland was to a playoff bid last year. If the NBA never added the play-in tournament to the post-season, the Cavs would’ve had a chance to make a deep run in the playoffs. So with the addition of these super stars, we can expect a solid team to come together in the “Forest City” (what an absolutely garbage nickname for a city).

Combine those new signings with the return of Jarrett Allen, Kevin Love, and Evan Mobley, and the Cleveland Cavaliers are hands down the front runners.

But not for the NBA Championship.

That title belongs to the Bucks, Celtics, Nets, and the Sixers. It’s no question that the East is going to be the most competitive conference throughout the season, and I wouldn’t even be shocked if the Cavs found themselves sitting in the top five. But they still have a few years to go until they’re going to win anything serious.

The Cavs are front runners ….

For the NBA team with the most square, monotonous, boring, swagless group of professionals.

Before you attack me, just look at the lineup!

• Donovan Mitchell — the human version of watching paint dry
• Jarrett Allen — thinks that a chain costs only $5000, and wears a henley shirt to the All-Star game
• Robin Lopez — tall, goofy looking fella
• Raul Neto — hahhahahaha

For any Cleveland fans reading this, just know I’m not saying this out of a place of hatred. I just genuinely find it hilarious how so many goofballs can be on the same team in the NBA.

I’m sure that this blog will bite me in the ass when the Sixers lose to the Cavs in round 2 of the playoffs this season. After all, it doesn’t matter what these guys look like or act like, because they all can ball out with the best in the league on any given night.

But boy oh boy, what I would do to be a fly on the wall in that locker room. They’re probably playing Oliver Tree dubstep music mixed with Mozart’s 5th symphony. For team bonding exercises, they all probably hop in Jarrett Allen’s minivan and go to laser tag because “it’s a safe alternative to paintball”.

I could go on and on, but I’ll leave it at that. Cleveland Cavaliers have about as much swag as I did in the 7th grade.