The Point in Trying

A poem.

Our relationship has been condensed to

A passing glance

A wave of the hand doesn’t suffice

I need words, but there you stand

I’m tired of trying,

Trying for you

Just to be told my efforts aren’t worth it

I won’t keep playing the fool

So I’ll stop trying

Stop wearing this mask

And flapping my lips

Stop trying to build something that won’t last

Notice I said build, not maintain

There never was a relationship

At least that’s how I feel- it’s all been strained

I look back and see years of you buying me things, but never getting to know me- that’s not commitment

You’re a stranger to me

Your morals are the only things I understand about you

Because they were and are all you ever talk about, now I see

What kind of conversation is that? What’s your point of view?

So do you make your morals, or do your morals make you?

Was it the chicken or the egg?

I don’t know,

But you don’t have to beg me to leave you alone, not anymore

You can have your tv,

Your HD, your apps

You can keep your iPhone

While I keep track of every time you put something else before me

I’m not here, I’m a vision,

At least that’s how I am led to feel

I’m a fleeting moment

I’m the dream you had but didn’t have the opportunity with which to deal

You’re that man in whose house I live,

The man with the terrible diet,

Thick hair and arms bronzed

The one who after trying makes me feel like a total ditz

So I’ll walk these halls,

Cook my food, read my books

I’ll keep on going, because that kind of thing takes balls

Longing for conversation that won’t happen- it’s not worth trying to get you hooked

Because old man,

Before you know it I’ll be gone

I’ll be that dream that was damned

Out of sight out of mind like a passing song

You can fight this all you want,

But if trying won’t work then what’s the point? Don’t you see?

If I bite the bullet now I’ll avoid the haunting pain later

While I ponder my happiness, I’ll realize it’s there because the pain you’ve instilled in me won’t be

About the Author: I am a Public History and English student with loves in rock climbing, photography, the Nationals, Scooby-Doo, and the Killers. For more, follow me on Instagram here.