5 Tips to Manage Painment in Nigeria

Nowadays, everybody is vexing in this country. The reasons for this are as diverse and numerous as the number of shoes my sister owns and believe me, that is saying a lot.

Just try it. Hold your phone like a camera and go into the street to ask people,”What are you vexed about today?”.

Depending on who you ask, you might hear things like…

PMB

GEJ

APC

PDP

Tomato Ebola

N145 per litre

Subsidy abi ki la won pe

Religious extremism

Hot weather

Tee Bills Vs Tiwa

Edible catering

Common sense

Etcetera etcetera

Our problems sha plenty.

So anyway, you will find that in the midst of all these plenty wahalas, blood will hot and tempers will rise. Small thing, you will just be walking on the road and slap will land on your face tawai! from nowhere.

It is a very risky something.

To manage painment resulting from some/all of these, I would like to suggest 5 possible ways to manage your painment. I also suggest you share widely and recommend to others.

  1. Eat plenty dodo: this works wonders. I have performed kitchen trials and noted that Nigerians on the general have very positive reactions to dodo. It releases happy hormones from eating it that circulate the system and make you happier. I strongly recommend it. To read more, read my earlier published article on the restorative powers of plantain.
  2. Dry Fasting: For those who do not like dodo, I suggest you fast. There is a popular saying over here when we see two people fighting, “Dem belle don full na”, is what we say. Which means a full stomach supports aggression. So fast. When your belly is dry and your mouth is white, where will you get the power to cause trouble?
  3. Vex exponentially: it is a given that every thing in life must have a peak and when it peaks, it will either drop or flatline but most likely it will drop. So, if it is PMB or GEJ that is vexing you, download all his videos and photos, then stare at him. Don’t do anything just stare. As you look, you will get very angry, the more you look the angrier you get. Do this for however long it takes for the anger to peak and decline which means you have now given yourself brain and can go and rest.

4. Physical exercise: it is because you are chilling, that is why you have time to be vexing upandan. Enough of that. Volunteer your FOC services at the local construction site closest to you. By the time you carry cement for 3 days straight, you will begin to ask yourself very relevant and introspective questions like, “Why I even dey vex before sef? Who vex don epp?”.

Painment will vamoose piam.

5. Borrow money from bank and default: make sure you use your house as collateral so that they will pursue you into the street. By the time you try to sleep two nights under the bridge with the constant fear that someone will stab your bum bum, your priorities will reset.

Those are my tips.

Like I said, share widely. You never know who will need it.

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