Countless

“The things she most wanted to tell him would lose their meaning the moment she put them into words.” ― 1Q84

I have said it many times,
More than you can possibly imagine;
Each time slightly different than before.
The words you yearn to hear,
If only you’d listen;
Not just with your ears, but with all your senses,
And of course; you heart as well.

Every time I wear blue, I am wearing it just for you.
Every time I push my fringe aside, I am doing it solely for you.
Every time I wear heels, I wear them in hopes that you’d hold me when I’m unsteady.
Every time I don’t, it’s because i know you like my height.
Every time I tease you, I do so knowing that at least for that moment, I’ve crossed your mind.
Every time I eat my vegetables, I do it to make you proud.
Every time I refrain from having chocolate or ice cream, I’m waiting to have it with you.
Every time I stare at you, I’m inviting you to look into me.
Every time I ask you to listen to a song, I’m asking you to listen to my me.
Every time I write, my words belong to you.

Why then is it not enough?
Am i not enough?
Why do you still insist i speak the words?

But if that’s what you want, then know this,
I have spoken those words as I watched you walk away.
I have said it out loud as you hung up the phone.
I have whispered them as I watched you sleep.
I have look up the sky, and shouted them, hoping the winds will carry my voice to you.
I have said it countless times

I love you.