Family (Part 2)
“The greatest gift you can give someone, is the gift of self.”
For you, who have loved me from my birth till this present moment and will continue loving me for all the moments to come, I write this for you.
You carried me in your womb for nine months, enduring everything that came with it. Morning sickness, random cravings, aches and swells. Then went through an even greater pain of bringing me into this world. You were the first person I imprinted on when I arrived at this beautifully alien place. Maybe that’s why every time I see or hear you, I know I’m home. But it wasn’t always like that. When we were younger, I liked papa more. There I said it! My young mind couldn’t understand why you were so strict with us. Why you would scold and punish us for the smallest mistakes. Why you would insist we attend so many extra classes. Why you wouldn’t let us go out with friends on school nights. I couldn’t understand then, that you did what had to be done, even if it might have been the unpopular choice.
But as our family grew, as you bore an addition to our family 8 years after me, I began to see things differently. When Anne was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, you and papa had different ways of dealing with the pain. Papa fell apart, but you stood firm. You picked up his broken pieces, and waited patiently for him to come back. When he found his way back, he was different, not the father I knew, not the man you married, but I saw you love him the same, maybe even more. I saw you uphold your wedding vows the way no one ever has. Your love was the thread that held us together.
To me you are more than a mother, you are the woman who taught me what kind of a person I should be. You taught me that a woman should be independent, but our true strength lies in our ability to depend and accept the help of others. You taught me that a daughter should be respectful in any situation, regardless of who’s in the wrong. You taught me that a wife should strive to complete her husband instead of overpowering him. You taught me that a mother’s love should be equally whole. You taught me to understand and to forgive. So much of who I am today is owed to you, mummy.
I know I have hurt you, I know I have disappointed you, and I know I have been the cause of your teary nights. All I can say is that I’m sorry, so so so sorry. I have no words other than this. There aren’t many things I regret in my life. But I regret all the times I have caused your heart to ache. There are even more things I am thankful for. Thank you for never allowing us to feel incomplete. Thank you for loving us so unconditionally. Although this might not be the life you imagined, thank you for giving yourself so selflessly to this life that has been given to you. I love you mummy, more and more every day.