I came to stay with you

You would not let me in

You sent me to another room

Disgusted by my want of you

Hours later slumbering

You let your ‘paralytic’ friend in

It was only tights that saved me then

Pulled up over

The waistband of my skirt

And lying on its zip

The nylon outer hymen

He tried to fuck me through

It was only when he vomiting

Sticky sweet draughts

In that moment of his swill

I rolled him off

And fled

Regurgitated kebab meat

In his bed

Stuck to my face

Like a half shed skin

I knocked on doors

No one would let me in

Grannies in their rollers

Mothers clutching bairns

I made it to the stairs

And slumped

And sobbed

3am and 10 miles

From home

What was I then?

Not quite 16


And failed at that

You raged at me

Like a feckless cat

You’d wanted the servitude

The positioning

Of a dog

I came back

Locked outside your flat

Waited for the sun

A blot of stinking shame

On a concrete doorstep

I got the first bus home

Wanted to curl up alone

But the caustic stares

Burnt into me like acid lasers

This day tattooed my soul

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