I suffer from occasionally anxiety. Not too long ago I had an anxiety attack for no reason. It was one of those days. I quickly went to my room and shut myself in there. I tried to calm myself down and kept telling myself it’ll be okay. As I was calming down, I got on my phone and began to describe what I was feeling. Here’s what I wrote:
You never know when it is going to happen. It creeps up at you like the darkness waiting for the light to recede, so it can envelop anything that is absent of light. It is there waiting for you to perceive it and be petrified. It’s a silent nightmare in reality. You get this feeling of unsureness. This feeling of catastrophe that is never going to happen, yet it is there. You are restless. Your body seems to be keep agitated, involuntarily. You are now tense. Your heart is pounding. Hyperventilating. You continue to grasp and take control of reality, yet… nothing. You assume scenarios of what hasn’t happened, possibly what’s never going to happen. The fear of the unknown. “What if’s?” begin to overwhelm you. You develop stress, you let out this big sigh of overwhelming, whispering cry. It’s beginning to subside, and all you can do is take a deep breath of relief.
It’s gone… for now.
It sucks… dealing with thoughts of worry or fear get to you. Even me writing this gives me anxiety.
What I usually do before I send a text message or any kind of written message, I go back and check for grammar errors. That’s normal, yes. But my mind disputes with me, “are you sure you’re being sincere?”, “do you think their feelings might get hurt?”, “are you sure you’re sending the right message?” “I think you sound too pretentious with this, change it.” After I’ve sorted everything out with my mind, I send it and hope for the best.
Some of you might relate to what I’ve said throughout this whole post, but if some of you don’t, now you have a clue.
Hope for the best days, even if you’re having one.