How about thinking of love/marriage as a moral project? David Brooks argues in the NYT:
The everyday tasks of marriage are opportunities to cultivate a more selfless love. Everyday there’s a chance to inspire and encourage your partner to become his or her best self. In this lens, marriage isn’t about two individuals trying to satisfy their own needs; it’s a partnership of mutual self-giving for the purpose of moral growth and to make their corner of the world a little better.
Replace the word marriage with love, and perhaps we can reframe our approach towards relationships.