We don’t return to dust..

‘Anything without remedy should be without regard’. I breathed deeply and mouthed this to myself as I fretted about yet another concern. One of the many that pop up throughout my every day. John used this quote a lot, especially to me as I bounced through our living space restless about a missed opportunity, an unanswered earnest email, a darn good cover letter that in my opinion sealed a job application. He was great at being the voice of reason, to help me sparse out my thoughts which are a thousand a minute.

Losing someone close to you like a spouse, opens up a sense beyond the sixth. It definitely awakened a consciousness about the power and ability of memory. The memory of a positive moment will cause your face to flush, cause your shoulders to stand a little more upright, cause you to burst out in laughter while having a dental procedure.

The first encounter with your outer body senses though ephemeral, is unmistakable. It is the whiff of the scent of a person close to you who you have lost. This whiff hit me on the platform of the Red Line at Porter Square. As it entered my consciousness, I looked back swiftly with my entire upper body. Settling into the encounter, it hit me that what had just happened was peculiar to me in that space. It was a gift to me. The universe was saying, “I see you, I empathize with your longing”.

It is the consolation you receive at just the moment you need it — in the voice of your loved one. Although now deceased, you forget this as the words are so clear, so distinct, so appropriate for the challenge before you. An unforeseen bill due in 30 days, a new uncharacteristic behaviour from your child, lasting negative energy from a colleague at work; challenges like these leave you drained, mentally and physically. The ability to reason out at a situation with your thoughts and the voice of this person with whom countless such conversations have occurred is powerful. It reminds you that you are not alone.

So we don’t return to dust. When our time is done living in skin, blood and bones, we omnify. We become present in the minds of those who have loved us at any time they need us. We lend our spoken voice to anyone who wants to remember our words in the same voice with which we said it. We caution and even scold our friends and family when they lean into what our opinion would be.

So as I nervously await the call back from the nice lady at the Recreation Department of the city office on whether the kids landed a spot in the highly coveted summer 2 week camp, the words, “Worrying solves nothing, everything will be alright” pulled me into the back rest of the accent chair and gave me some rest.