The Totally Sweet Country
Far away, there was a country that was totally sweet. Instead of water, its rivers were full of bubble tea. The people’s skins were composed of mochi and their organs were composed of red bean. The trees were chocolate. No micro-organisms existed to threaten this paradise and the weather was always cool.
Into this land came a brave explorer named Ren Den. He was greedy but also wise. After consuming his fill of bubble tea and red bean organs and leaving no witnesses, he decided to become king.
First, he put on a mask so nobody would know his identity. Then he went from town to town, destroying all that he came upon. Word spread of a dark and powerful being, called “the great destroyer,” who would be the doom of civilization.
Finally, Ren Den removed his mask and entered the greatest city in the land. “I am Ren Den,” he proclaimed, “Banisher of darkness, strong protector of the good. I will rule this country from today onward. Bow before me, and I will banish the great destroyer for all time.”
The people were so moved that they bowed their heads before their destined leader.
“However, I must exact a terrible price for this service,” he announced. “To hold the darkness at bay I require the sacrifice of one of my subjects each day. The brave soul will be cut into three pieces, which I will consume to power my psychic barrier against evil.”
The people, although dismayed, realized the necessity of this sacrifice, and so they agreed.
And so Ren Den lived happily ever after.