In Search of a Significant Other
In my youth, I often dreamed of having a spouse who would love me like no other. More than two decades later, my dream is still in the works.
My marriage ended in a stalemate after four torturous years. I struggled to make things work, but I took a bow after series of physical abuse and a nervous breakdown.
In 2012, I walked out never to return. For three years I wallowed in the arms of depression who cuddled me at the break of dawn each day rocking me back and forth and humming words of grief, regret, self-loathing, shame and ‘what ifs’ with glee; sending me pessimistic vibes throughout the day. Nights were no better as I wrestled with insomnia and suicidal thoughts.
With my spirit handcuffed, I remained in custody because I saw no way out. My world had collapsed, and I rolled in the dung of despair and hopelessness.
With counsel and love of friends and family, in 2014 I took a peek through the metal bars of my mental prison and sighted a rainbow. Hope beckoned on me urging me to her world.
I accepted her gesture but staggered lots of times as the thorns and thistles of pessimism were rife. But in 2016, I blossomed as I took charge of my mind and subjected it to do my bidding.
I engaged in a variety of activities. I chose to journal and focused on stuff I was thankful for and fears I had overcome each day, I meditated, reached out to others and accepted hands of friendship. I resumed my writing hobby; I exercised and ate right to shed the excess weight I had put on whilst I grieved; I wanted it etched in the past where it belonged.
I read a variety of non-fiction literature that dealt with slavery. The inhumanity I discovered in the pages jolted the locks of my self-pity and released me from the chains of ingratitude.
My acts were intentional. Their purpose was to revive my spirit, give me a reason to live. Victor Frankyl’s acclaimed book, Man’s Search for Meaning, a non-fiction book set in the Nazi era with vivid examples buttressed the fact that I could overcome any challenge as long as I had a cause to live for.
I had a gate pass to the next chapter of my life. I was ready to move on.
For over a year, though I was alone, I was not lonely. Although I sometimes felt a tinge of sadness during family holidays like Christmas and thanksgiving, I didn’t dwell on them. I swatted the thoughts as soon as they surfaced reminding myself of everything I had. The serenity prayer was my greatest ally during such moments.
For months I was on high as I carried out my daily activities. Reading, online writing courses, reconnecting with friends and family became my pastime. I had no room to brood. My perspective took a detour and I flourished. I embraced challenges and with some effort overcame them. My confidence was on the rise. Life was exciting once again.
But in the last week, my tempo has waned as loneliness has come knocking; seeking access. For now, this unwelcome guest is tapping on my mind and I’m frantic its fervor may get the better of me if I don’t act fast and get something or someone to take its place.
I had slaughtered this enemy right? Or had it been hibernating? What had stirred this beast?
Is it my change in routine or because I’ve been idle after working hours until bedtime in the last three weeks? Could it be my interaction with a stranger this past week? He has such poise, character, integrity, wit, humility, gentleness and respect for me. He’s a gentleman.
His qualities are those I’ve always desired in my significant other. My soon to be ex-husband was devoid of every one of these traits but this stranger possesses them all. Atop it all, he puts me at ease as he knows what to say and when to say it. He knows when to listen and when to speak. His respect, sensitivity and other-centeredness challenge me. My experience with him has caused me to re-evaluate myself.
The valves of my feelings appear to have been unblocked by this stranger’s seamless acts.
It’s comforting to know that there are still a few good men out there. It is possible to have a relationship where both parties love, care and respect each other. In my relationship with this stranger, he let me know he was busy without making me feel bad. He respected my views when they differed from his and didn’t try to change my mind but instead used his experience to provide me with information that could enlighten me.
I’m glad to have met this guy who deserves to be applauded for serving as an emblem of unscathed masculinity. His character and my new found confidence have magnified the qualities I should seek for in my quest for love.
In the interim, I’ll do all I can to clinch this beast called loneliness that mocks me each time I’m done conversing with the stranger (who is now my friend). His actions thrill me because I know he isn’t going to ask me to date him because like me, he’s not the kind to get involved in an affair. He’s actions are a part of him and I sense no deceit. That’s what makes him so lovable.
Now I have a template of what a ‘real’ man should possess, I’m on the lookout for a man that bears no less than my friend’s portrait. I know what I deserve as a woman and I won’t settle for anything less. I hope I find him soon so he can fill the void my friend’s presence has created.
My relationship with a stranger has burst my dam of isolation and disregard of the opposite sex. Spring time is here. As the seeds of love bloom in my heart once again, I beckon on the man of my dreams to make haste and come for me as my desire for him grows with each passing day.
I know like me he’ll have baggage and flaws but I pray that we complement one another, make compromises where necessary and like my friend be courteous and respectful of each other’s views and feelings.
I’m hopeful as I wait; I know he’s out there somewhere searching for me too. My heart squishes in delight as I wait like a groom looking out for his bride as he stands at the altar.
