What Happened?

They will hunt and kill each other.

They will build and prosper.

Then they will die.

Then their children will hunt and kill each other.

Then they will die.

Sometimes they will kill because of the color, at other times they will kill because of the amount of fur visible (indicating that it is okay).

And at other times they will kill because of religions and sexuality.

Then some will hold back and not cause suffering onto others.

Then they will die.

Then a man will come and tell them all to not kill and to love.

They will not kill and they will love.

Then they will get scared that others will hate and kill.

They will kill others in the name of the man that told them not to kill.

But don’t worry. It all makes sense!

Because eventually another man will come and he will say that he’s got a better plan.

He will say love and don’t kill. And seriously stop with all the edits yo. Don’t change that shit because y’all are fucking it up.

Through out it all, some will devise beautiful systems which will not harm others. They will say once you become enlightened do not say or do anything that will harm others. Once you have felt all of their suffering and your own, you will know not to cause suffering again and to be kind to all so that you may be kind to yourself. (See Hinduism, Buddhism, and Sikhism).

They will be beaten and starved like the rest of their brothers, by their brothers and by matter, and they too will die. (See Sri Lanka Violent Buddhists that began riots against Islam):

Around 300 Buddhists rode motorcycles around Myanmar’s second largest city of Mandalay on Friday, shouting death threats.
“We’re going to kill all the Muslims,” some shouted as they rode through the streets after attending the funeral of a Buddhist man stabbed to death on Wednesday night.
A Muslim man was also killed, beaten to death early on Thursday on his way to morning prayers.
Voice of America

There will be men like Albert Einstein who create formulas for harnessing matter. They will get worried about the killing that is going on and urge others to build something which can show the world to finally stop killing, and seriously yo, enough with the fucking edits.

“This is energy and this is matter. Power your shit and stop fucking it up.” said some dude who saw something using the brain that matter gave him.

But then men will build bombs with those formulas and drop them on millions. Millions which would have created similar formulas and which would have built similar bombs and worried about them dropping on themselves; so dropping some anyways in due time makes sense and they do.

But seriously, don’t worry.

It makes sense!

Men like Albert Einstein will write those formulas, they will write letters urging governments to build bombs, they will write letters urging them to not use them, and then they will write letters expressing a simple “sorry” but “wait I don’t really understand what I’m sorry for”:

“I made one great mistake in my life-when I signed the letter to President Roosevelt recommending that atom bombs be made but[…] there was some justification-the danger that the Germans would make them.”
(Albert Einstein, 1954)

And men like Albert Einstein will hear about death and they will say, yes I know you fucking assholes, this shit keeps going on forever. That is what math got me to understand.

A human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive. (Albert Einstein, 1954)
The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms — this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness. ( Albert Einstein — The Merging of Spirit and Science)

Then men like Albert Einstein will realize that they have not been clear enough with their words to their brothers, so when asked precisely what they think happens after death they will respond as best as they can:

“Now [that my friend] has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”
( Albert Einstein — The Merging of Spirit and Science)

And then those men die too.

Then other men will come around and discover interesting things about the universe, such as the fact (that is one now) that when you look at things they change, see the observer effect (pun intended).

Then other men will come around and without any math they will understand that their matter, and their time, will be around forever as well, see Hindu cosmology. They too will understand that things pull and push on each other and that sight and experience is a truly confusing thing, so try to do it comfortably while you can.

And then those men die too.

And their matter becomes the earth.

And the earth’s matter dissipates into the space around it like wispy clouds.

And the sun’s matter eventually dissipates into the space around it like wispy clouds.

And all of the universe’s stars dissipate into space until it is mixed in together evenly with the same exact temperature and absolutely no moving between atoms.

Eventually this container of matter and energy, i.e. the universe, will collapse on itself and explode.

Eventually this container of matter and energy, i.e. a space-time bubble, will never collapse on itself and explode, but rather, it will wisp into the space around it.

Then a God will be created. He will enjoy creating and not suffering.

Then he will die.

Then hundreds of Gods will be created.

They will fight and throw energy beams at each other and they will conquer their container of matter and energy, of space and time, and eventually they will get rebooted or wisp away.

And I kid you fucking not.

This keeps happening forever.

At times everything will make sense. And at other times, nothing will make sense (see Scientology to observe something in action that makes tremendous sense to some and no sense to others).

There will be a time when someone reads this article, it having been sent to them via some news feed, when they had just been thinking to sit down and write it. And they will say: holy shit this shit is insane. This article became a thing before I even wrote it, I should have never started thinking about this stuff because if I hadn’t I could have lived a normal life and died.

But oh wait no, that would have all happened anyways. Because what I have been perceiving as death is relative.

When did he die?

Oh, he died in 2012.

2012 from what?

2012 from some other guy’s death.

When did he die?

Somewhere between the beginning and the end.

Where is the beginning?

I don’t know, where is it?

Dude seriously please tell me this ends.

A piece I created to represent how I feel.

Sometimes reboots will result in heaven, where everyone enjoys themselves, and sometimes reboots will result in hell, where everything just sucks mega balls times four hundred billion kelvin.

What happened?

Matter and anti matter touched some day. And they pulled and pushed on each other.

Understanding the concept of Brahman
An old Indian legend says that when a child asked his teacher what Brahman was, his teacher puzzled over a way to explain Brahman, and after some thought came up with this answer:
Imagine that here in front of me I have a sachet of salt, a spoon and a bowl of water, I then mix the salt into the water and let it dissolve; after some time I try and remove a spoonful of water from the bowl, a spoonful of water that does not taste salty. I cannot [using the tools that he gave himself at the start]. That is the nature of Brahman, the teacher explained, existing both in and as everything
According to Advaita, a liberated human being (jivanmukta) has realised Brahman as his or her own true self.
The Isha Upanishad says:
Auṃ — That supreme Brahman is infinite, and this conditioned Brahman is infinite. The infinite proceeds from infinite. If you subtract the infinite from the infinite, the infinite remains alone, still infinite.

I always wanted to just die and return to the earth. I thought it would be permanent and that’s all I wanted. I rejected all religions, and I rejected reincarnation. I didn’t want to live forever.

But I did.

We all did.

We are living.

And dying.


And that happened. It is happening.

It will happen.

It will happening.

It will happened.

Happened it will.

On and on and on and on.


Sometimes Aum will be represented as onandon.

onandon sometimes aum be represented will.

And all of that will happen and make sense.

But then it won’t.

For a period of time.


“Teheheheheheheheheheheheheheh” goes the universe.

Smirking and laughing and crying and living and dying.

A near-death experience!


A close-to-the-end experience!

Tehehehehehehehehehe goes the universe.

Tehehehehehehehe forever.

If you are reading this I wish that you do not harm others deliberately. None of this makes sense half of the time, and all of this makes sense half of the time. The thing that should be taken away from it, at least for this life that you live, is that you are in a good state as a human and that you shouldn’t harm others deliberately.

Buddhists and men and Gods before you, during, and after alike have decided that the form of the human is the best one to be in. If anything, a human is the most balance between heaven and hell, atmosphere and vacuum, life and death.

Or rather, a human is the best form for now. As far as you know, accept it if you know it.

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.” Buddha quotes (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563–483 B.C.)

Your body is beautiful and your brothers are beautiful. I accept that and I accept that I can say it to you.

If you become a business man, such as Steve Jobs for example, you will eventually cause suffering for others. See Foxconn suicides.

If you become an explorer, see Into the Wild, you will eventually cause your own suffering and inspire others to go on similar journeys of suffering.

If you become a scientist, such as Albert Einstein, you will eventually cause suffering for yourself and others.

It’s a feedback loop, for infinity. At times it will be a high-pitched screech and at other times it will be a beautiful melody.

While living this life, do not worry.

If you do worry you will not go into the wild and live and die. You will get a job and a house and a car, within the wild, and you will live and you will die. If you don’t get a house and a car and you will become frustrated and take your own life, within the wild, and you will die. Or maybe you will become a vagabond on the street, within the wild, and you will die. If you do not worry, you will eat and you will live, and you will die.

Do not worry about the suffering that you will cause others if you walk into the wilderness and live and die there. Do not worry about the suffering that you will cause if you invent a device for connecting your brothers across the wilderness.

Do not worry about those that have walked into the wilderness and died. Do not worry about the animals that you have to hunt in the wild or the animals that you have to cultivate to sustain life.

Make use of your body’s form and don’t harm others deliberately. If you must kill an animal, do so humanly. Do not bash its brains in like an animal if you are in a human form which can utter the words “thank you for the life you give me, thank you for the life you have lived, and thank you for the life we are living,” and which can ease the suffering of a form of life different than our own.

Do not hunt man if you can hunt pigs instead. Do not eradicate all pigs therefore. Do not insult man if he eats pigs instead of lettuce. On and on and on, and so forth.

Eventually you will experience hell and burning and pain all around you. And eventually you will experience goodness and warmth and light all around you.

You have no control over what happens forever, but you have control over what happens now.

If this all haunts you and causes suffering, do not worry either.

It’s not going to get any easier and it will get easier. It’s already happening right now.

That’s what happened.

“Teheheheheheheheheheheheheheh” goes the universe.

At one time I thought I would find the answer to the universe.

Now I see that the universe at one time thought it would find the answer to me.

And on, and on, and on.



  1. I published this piece on May 15th. Since then I have done more research on the topic of Eternal Return which is “a concept that the universe has been recurring, and will continue to recur, in a self-similar form an infinite number of times across infinite time or space,” (Wikipedia). Through my searching I found a more poetic version of the piece that I wrote above titled The Egg.
  2. Someone wrote their own version of “What Happened” and the Egg, as well as how they came to this conclusion through the use of psilocybin mushrooms. It is titled We Die to Remember What We Forget to Live and original PDF source is no longer available but I have archived it via Dropbox here.
  3. To better understand nonduality, or the idea-fact that we are all one, there a beautiful explanation of nonduality is available here.
  4. I imagine that someone who finds a conclusion that we are all one, instead of arriving to it themselves prior or after finding out about it, may automatically think “if we are all one then I can do XYZ-sin-illegal — immoral-sort-of-activity and it’s fine.” For example, “if you are I and I am you, I can open your wallet and take a $20 bill out because after all it is my money.” That statement is false. Whether or not free will is an illusion does not mean that another can go against someone else’s free will in any event.
  5. Unfortunately, there is no free will in some heaven and hell states. In some heaven states you will not be able to leave and go elsewhere, and likewise in some hell states. That’s what makes the form of a human so balanced. We can go virtually anywhere and whether or not our free will is an illusion, and whether or not every possibility will end up happening, we are in a much better form to experience reality as humans than in any other form (as far as we know).
  6. Some Buddhists that dedicate themselves to a “spiritual life” end up living in a monastery that has a symbiotic relationship with “lay Buddhists.” Essentially, the monks sit around and explore their living experience within their minds while others (lay Buddhists and “commoners”) are one way or another instructed to give them food, clothing, and medicine offerings in return for “good vibes.” Literally: “Monks respond by sharing merit, spreading good will and the teachings of the Buddha to all those who wish to hear, irrespective of personal feelings,” — lay guide to the Monks’ rules. Considering that the meaning of our conscious is to make sense of our current reality and how to interact with it, what we do with the remainder of our life and body in this reality is up to us. To some, once they become enlightened and truly know the nature of reincarnation it may make sense to spend the rest of their time on earth sleeping, eating, and meditating. For others, it may make sense to help as many other brothers enjoy their own life as much as possible. It doesn’t quite matter how one lives their life, whether it be by walking the earth with a robe and an alms bowl or whether it be through being a scientist or an artist.
  7. Some will arrive to the conclusion that they must help as many of their brothers live this life in happiness, “once you realise the radical loneliness that being existence implies, you’ll start working on how to improve our life as seemingly separated beings
    we must create a pleasurable, happy life for all of us -because all of us, every single being that forms part of this existence we are, is ourselves, and we want to feel pleasure, and be happy -we must improve the world to enjoy more our life as separate entities, and that’s hard work, isn’t it?
    ” (cosmic._.ape), while others will reply back to such ideas with their own thoughts “I believe pleasure and happiness are, well, how should I put it… rather mundane goals for a whole universe. I believe happiness, pleasure and sense of satisfaction/enjoyment are things electrochemically produced in the human brain and thus not that importan in the grand scheme of things. Although ‘importance’ is a very human thing too…” (FnX). Every individual will have their conclusions and their beliefs, and they should act on those beliefs as long as they are decided with a right view and are good (and as long as they want to act on their beliefs).
  8. Psychedelics are serious business. I believe that eventually all psychedelic roads, whether they be LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, or DMT will lead its explorer to a similar conclusion sooner or later. If you come across such a conclusion and need to make sense of it you might want to look at this thread in which others discuss the same experience.
  9. Upon my understanding that we are all alone (for the first time) I became extremely confused during my 2–3 gram psilocybin trip (a third of the most I’ve taken in the past), screamed “just fucking kill me already” when I realized I would never die, hurt the ones trying to help me, and peed myself without knowing it until later. Prior to this, in all of the trips I have had, save for one in which someone that had a history of violence was tripping as well, I had not observed someone become disoriented enough to act in a way that could hurt themselves or others. I believe that my own confusion was caused by not being prepared to experience a multitude of lives and understand that we are all one. Since then I have had four psychedelic experiences and explored the implications of my initial discovery within all of them without any of the feelings of being sad and alone because of it.
  10. Some people that trip or become enlightened through the use of psychedelics, yoga, or meditation will often try to preach to others in hopes that everyone will be on the same page. Consider some misinformed Buddhists that might declare that sleeping on the floor and getting rid of your possessions is the path to enlightenment, or those that will declare that money is evil, and so forth. Whether a city decides to live and breath through cubicle jobs and eating meat, or whether it decides to live in fields without electricity and without eating meat, is up to its inhabitants. Likewise for the world. People are free to preach their beliefs to those that will listen, yes, and they can decide that it is the best use of the time that they have left on the world, also yes, but it is best to keep an eye out for these system fighters and really listen to what they’re saying. Most of the time it’s just another influence. In the same way materials influence people to work more and buy more, influences that urge others to give up their materials are just urging people to work less and buy less. There’s a difference between a way of life being wrong, say being a criminal, versus a way of life being different, say being an Amazon tree cutter or meat eater. Those that see meat eaters and tree cutters as criminals will have a hard time with their reality, but it isn’t to say that they don’t have the right to be confused and sad about it their entire life. Essentially, putting others down for cutting trees and eating meat is as silly as putting others down for not cutting trees and not eating meat. Both will occur though, for a wide range of life styles and reasons. If you think about it, murder occurs too through executions. And people put others down for executions in the same way, even though it wouldn’t make sense too put others for not carrying out executions, we observe both happening.
  11. Logging into Twitter these days is extremely interesting. Watching people get upset about who is getting a sex change soon and who didn’t win an award because of it is extremely interesting to say the least. I wish everyone spending their time angry about such things is happy while going through their rants (which over the years will move from gay people to trans people to meat eating people, which are all, people living their lives).
“God likes to play hide-and-seek, but because there is nothing outside God, he has no one but himself to play with.
But he gets over this difficulty by pretending that he is not himself. This is his way of hiding from himself.
He pretends that he is you and I and all the people in the world, all the animals, all the plants, all the rocks, and all the stars.
In this way he has strange and wonderful adventures, some of which are terrible and frightening.
But these are just like bad dreams, for when he wakes up they will disappear.
Now when God plays hide and seek and pretends that he is you and I, he does it so well that it takes him a long time to remember where and how he hid himself. But that’s the whole fun of it — just what he wanted to do.
He doesn’t want to find himself too quickly, for that would spoil the game.
That is why it is so difficult for you and me to find out that we are God in disguise, pretending not to be himself.
But when the game has gone on long enough, all of us will wake up, stop pretending, and remember that we are all one single Self — the God who is all that there is and who lives for ever and ever.”
- Alan Watts. Also relevant to the Eternal Return is Lectures on Zen by the same author.