Goals, Goals, Goals

One does not get any where by sitting around idly. I think it was Peter Schiff who warned about confusing goals with the means of achieving them. If I recall correctly, he mentioned that no company actually wants a copier machine. Instead, the thing that they want is the copies that it produces. Then he went on to ask whether or not you actually want a toaster or if all you cared about was having good toast in a timely manner.

Some how, I’ve decided that moving is the best way of getting what I want. I’ve become quite invested in the idea. I’d like to improve my life. So, what is it that I hope to accomplish by doing that? Well, the big one that started this is getting away from the things that make me feel depressed. I don’t really feel like I can explore things like who I’d like to be or try out things that interest me. Every time you move, everyone around you changes. It’s a good opportunity to redefine yourself, and I’m curious as to what I’ll turn out like.

There are a lot of things that I’m hoping to fix about myself. One of them is normalizing my relationship with material goods. I have a lot of emotional problems that I’d like to fix. I don’t want to feel bad about getting rid of broken things that I can’t use. I don’t want to surrounded by things I’ll never use, or things that make me sad. Being able to get rid of things is something that I’ve never been good at. There was a lot of trouble growing up, which is probably a bit too personal for me to get into right now. However, I do think I’ll share a bit from my early adulthood. I was fresh out of school, looking for work and a whole bunch of debt to repay. My family made me get rid of a perfectly good jacket that I had for probably over a decade at that point. There was nothing wrong with it, no holes, the seams were still good, the zipper worked fine, no stains, it wasn’t faded, still fit great. It was just old, still perfectly usable. At a time when I had no income and large bills, discarding things to spend money replacing didn’t make sense. I still haven’t found a replacement that feels quite the same. I don’t need to hang on to everything any more. Now that I’m in control of my life, I get to make those decisions for myself. I hope I make good ones, but now, I no longer have to fight to avoid having bad ones forced on me. If I had to try finding faults with that coat, it’s pockets won’t fit a 7 inch tablet and it was probably made with child labour or in an abusive sweatshop, or both. I can’t really say that the replacement is any better on those criteria though.

I suppose to so extent, that is all related to the bigger goal of better mental health. I think it really ultimately all ties back into that first theme of exploring my own interests and developing a bit more. Part of me feels stifled. It’s almost as if I’m always waiting when I’m here. Waiting to grow up so that I can be more independent, waiting to save up enough to move out. How do I actually enjoy where I am, if all I really want is to get away? Some times I worry that the idea of getting away is ruining my ability to enjoy life. However there’s still a lot problems that I have to deal with.

So, if I know what it is that I actually want, what is the best way to do it? Getting a toaster is a great way of getting toast. Is changing my city the best way to improve my mental health? I still feel that it is. Moving will more or less force me get rid of a lot of the stuff and seriously consider my relationship with material goods. As mentioned earlier, it also lets me reinvent myself. New surroundings are also good for depression. On the other hand though, isolating yourself is kind of bad, so is boredom. So I’ll need some sort of community when I get to where I’m going. I think this is a go.

The other thing to keep in mind, is what if I’m wrong? Always important to keep in mind the consequences of being wrong. I think it just amounts to me moving back. I’ll be without a job and I’ll need to find a new place to live. Both of which are things that’ll have to happen if I move. Finding a more permanent home is something that has been on my wish list for a while. If not permanent, something where I can feel more or less like I can control the duration of my stay.

There could be better options that I haven’t considered, I’m just not aware of them right now. I suppose the other big question to ask is what can I do now to get me toward my goal. In general, I suppose reducing my possessions and saving up money is a good start. It also doesn’t cut me off from other options.