A Ridiculous, Crude, Grammatically Incorrect list of Advice to an 18 Year Old, First Year College Student

nurturing my own sense of motivation, interest, and innovation with my studies and my ideas.

(…from the perspective of a fresh-out-of-highschool sub-adult)


It’s a typical day in rocks 101 as I enter the lecture hall and glance around at my 100-person lecture. Everyone (approx. 80% of total pop.) seems to be bored out of their minds, the remaining 20% fast asleep in their own beds probably.

Nobody. gives. a

(Surprise, nobody is interested in the course material for rocks 101.)


(Firstly, before I get my hands in the dirt, I want to elaborate on a few personal revelations i’ve had over the past semester)

If one searches the definition of interest on google, they will get:

the state of wanting to know or learn about something or someone.

In other words, the very definition of “interest” implies that as a verb, the act of having an interest in something is a choice, and from what I’ve observed, rarely a choice many students make. It’s something that requires the expending of some sort of energy (physics majors?)to decide that you want to be engaged.

For example, I get up in the morning, go to lecture, and make the decision to use the energy that I have to mentally apply myself. This means that I pay close attention to details that I would consider to be mentally stimulating. Personally, learning how mechanisms work intrigues me, so naturally, I look for this pattern in all new material I learn — on top of learning what is required. This leads to one of my favourite quotes:


“There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.”

— G.K Chesterton


So you might be thinking…Goddammit, Gabby, how in the world am I supposed to be in that kind of mindset with the flick of a switch? Well, fortunately, it’s not exactly that simple.

of course, you can’t apply yourself to find something interesting if you don’t have the motivation to do so. (the general desire or willingness of someone to do something)


“bruh..who wants to learn stuff .. not me, I aint motivated”

a lot of people who aren’t Leonardo Da Vinci


So why aren’t you motivated? Believe it or not, there may be some life-choices at play that make you a person who happens to ride the no-mo train, and you’ve probably heard all of them. Not to worry, you’re not a bad person. Being unmotivated is not a character flaw. Maybe your parents have told you that you’re lazy. I don’t believe in that. From my own personal experience, I believe the concept of “laziness” is typically formed upon a combination of lack of interest and lack of motivation. So in order for you to be motivated, I will tell you (as I tell myself) what you’ve always heard, because nobody was loud enough for the bulk of us to have absorbed it the first 25 times.


first of all, eat some food, break the fast.

get up before your fucking class or job and eat some goddamn oatmeal eggs left over hot pot, whatever it is just avoid the instant noodle route once in a while. get some coffee 3cream 3 sugar if that’s what it takes so youre not fucking falling asleep on your friends your professors and your own self

get some damn exercise.

go paddle a canoe pick up those 3 lb dumbells in your room do some sun salutaions try to perfect your quad pirouette if youre a former ballerina work on that bench press go for a 1k run-walk go climb a wall somewhere

get some fucking sleep you fucker

get some real life sleep put in your earplugs turn up the thermostat a little bit listen to a leaded meditation on youtube with some wind chimes playing in another tab wear an eye pillow and avoid your phone light in your eyes for 10 minutes before you want to fall asleep because if you avoid this step you will prob not fall sleep and you’ll also be thinking about why that cool girl/boy didn’t like your cool cliff-jumping pic and so you’ve sealed the deal in terms of overthinking, congrats, you can try to sleep, you can try

get 8 hours of sleep. every. single. night.

don’t romantasize staying up til 2am doing your homework because in actuality that does nothing for you. you will get bite in the ass after 2 days if you don’t get 8 fucking hours of sleep. if youre a real-life human being, sleep is more important than school. and if school is important to you, sleep by default is important to you because sleep and quality of school performance have a direct correlation — not to mention your outlook on life

hold the liquor

put down the pabst blue ribbon once in a while.and do you really need to hit that bong every second of your life? get real, glow up and live your actual life sometimes which happens when youre sober. youll feel more fresh, uplifted, and will probably be healthier and less sick by enforcing some policy of substance moderation/balance

Give meditation a shot

I don’t have anything further to say about this. i heard somewhere that science has backed this.idk google it.temples have accepted this.i don’t care if it makes you uncool, or your mom thinks you’re turning into a “shanty granola” who is “ruining family dinners lately” do it alone in your room if you’re embarrassed. you may or may not think only people who live on nude communes and wooff for a living do this. remember: theres a reason many “hippies and leachers” end up not giving a fuck about the how they are perceived by others and eat quinoa and raw cinnamon brownies. so in other words, if you find yourself with no direction or feel empty like a hollow noodle, find a way to meditate, and do it. google the fuck out of that shit/read a book on it or find a person who does it. and when you learn, be patient


a quote from my mom (not in exact wording):

“people are careful what they feed their bodies, but not what they feed their minds, which may even be more important”


put down your goddamn phone more

tyler said it, ill say it, everyone in your life wants you to do it though they may not know it. respect other people and yourself. listen to some people talk about what they like and pay attention. don’t let yourself fall victim to an endlessly unstimulating clusterfuck of your insecure friend of a friend’s snapstory garbage. talk to that elderly woman at the bus stop about electronic dance music and this one time you went to shambhala with your friends and it was dope. listen to the jokes of a 4 year old and make the conscious decision to go get an actual real-life hobby. go ride your brothers old skateboard and play a shit-ass guitar you found in the dumpster eventhough “you suck” and are an “embarrasement” to your friends whose only borderline-marketable skill is to “roll a fat one”. go on a real-life hike, learn to be with your own thoughts, watch a sunset not through the lens of instagram and leave that social media fake image you at home

and lastly, empower yourself by taking an English/communication class first year (if not first semester), so when other people read what you have to say, they will be more likely to take your thoughts, ideas, and advice more seriously.


Believe me: the ideas that grow inside your very own head, when given the right living conditions, will never not be brilliant.