He Loves Me, … He Loves Me Not

Hope lies not in mere flowers…

It was 3rd grade. I was on the playground, and catching my breath after a good game of tag. As I surveyed the playground I thought of Bobby, the boy I had just ran from with success. I remember thinking,… “I like that Bobby.”

Now I was a Tom Boy to the core. Not one for boy crushes and the such. But for some reason, as I thought of him, I was immediately aware of a creeping sense of insecurity…. as I dared to think,…“Does he like me?” … Whoa, whoa, whoa! This was not a welcomed internal debate,… I mean, I only had like 5–10 minutes before the recess whistle was to be blown, and I hadn’t yet done my routine round on the monkey bars! In an effort to solve this awkward thought, I had a mental visual of my favorite flower (a classic white and yellow Daisy),… and the words “He loves me, He loves me not” flashed across my thoughts. It seemed almost natural.

The phrase repeated in my mind until there were no petals left on the Daisy. At this moment, I cannot remember what verdict I came up with.

While I am now happily married, and not to Bobby, the reality of those feelings felt so long ago amazes me even now. I mean, I was essentially placing a portion of my worth into the hands of a fellow 8 year old. No one taught me to do this. I’m convinced that it’s instinctive. You see, we have this propensity to lean on someone else’s thoughts of us, and invite those thoughts into the most delicate places of our minds…a place they ought not be.

More than what someone might think about us, I want to challenge you and I both,…to ponder the possibility,…the reality even of ourselves being carefully crafted, from our conception, all the way through all of the processes, both chemical and circumstantial, that have brought us to engaging with one another here on this online platform. I assure you, our rhythms in life are being overseen. Not by an intangible “secret” principle,… No, our stories are integral parts of a greater and a more grand story… a love story that has been clearly seen throughout this earth, so that we are without excuse, should we deny it. This is a story Of Ashes and Beauty.

A story where what we know to be true meets and permeates every aspect of the way we live, in our lows and highs…

Won’t you join me on this journey of exploration of the Truth and of hope that can be found in every circumstance?


Of Ashes and Beauty