I am done harking back to pent up emotions and revisiting moments of intense frustration. I am done being historical toward myself and other people. Every moment from here on out will be a conscious decision to be present, to embrace the moment, and to live through them as would a child — a child of God.
I would like to live in the calm and silence of a life set for self-donation. This makes me think of mothers who would listen to their daughters sing, or lavish them with their time as they pour their hearts out. It is perhaps accurate that St. Ignatius calls his letters hijuela — a little daughter — which he writes as though He had all the time in the world. But Ignatius had this to say: that when the Pope calls a Jesuit for a meeting, the Jesuit has to abandon whatever it is he’s doing, even when he’s in the middle of writing a hijuela. (James Martin, S.J., The Jesuit Guide to [Almost] Everything)
Forgiveness affords us precisely that. It predisposes us to be present, because there’s a higher calling to which we must respond. We must not let our bitterness get in the way for us to become who God meant us to be (St. Theresa of Avila). To not let the past nor future steal from the here and now — because now isn’t only what we have, it is where several choices meet. God’s choice to let us live another day, and our choice to cooperate with grace. Whatever we decide today, whether to leave behind what hurt us or leave behind bottled up emotions accentuated with a bow of bitterness, will set the pace of our journey.
I am done being dragged by all these things. I am leaving them all on the cusp of yesterday and this moment. I am forgiving myself for everything I have done. I am forgiving others for whatever pain they may have caused me. I cannot let any painful memory steal from the generosity this moment affords me. Grace is infinite. There’s no stopping me from embracing the immense love God has for me, and neither must I be a hindrance for other people to do the same. Let us set one another free.