“Maybe I’m not good enough.”
First, if you haven’t seen “La la land” yet what are you waiting for and what are you doing with your life, and second, today I want to write about a scene in there that made me cry instantly. Well…one of them.
It’s a scene towards the end and, without spoiling it, I will just say it’s a scene where our female lead voices a painful conclusion/thought that she came to after all she’s been through career wise. It’s something that I relate to and something I think many creatives passionate about their work will think at some point.
When confronted about her dream by the male lead that wants her to continue pursuing it she says:
“Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m one of those people who’s always wanted to do it, but it’s like a pipe dream.” — Mia Dolan, La la land
Oh, man. My heart sinks a bit every time I watch this scene. Partly because Emma Stone plays is so well that you can see the pain on her face by saying it out loud and really considering giving her dream up. And mostly because I can relate to it a lot considering what I would want to do career wise.
How many of us can actually say this without feeling pain and actually taking comfort in it? I feel like it’s one of the most painful realizations one can come to. It’s not necessarily the final or actually a real one, it can be fleeting and momentarily, usually coming after trying times, but it can be really painful nonetheless.
I’ve watched “La la land” many times now and that scene gets to me every time. It’s the movie really that good or I still have unresolved issues? I can actually say both of those are true, but that’s not the point.
Such a realization as Mia’s, while being pretty painful can also be a chance for a bit of introspection and a chance to sit back and have some perspective on things. I think we tend to put so much pressure on ourselves sometimes (myself included) to perform in a certain way or achieve certain standards that in that specific moment it might be too much to ask for. Because of the pressure many times we cannot perform the way we would want to. And then it can all amount to the fact that we might think of ourselves as “not good enough”.
I have recently started reading a book which, amongst other things, focuses on the fact that beyond talent, the importance of training is paramount. Putting in the hours of work and practice is what matters and makes a difference in the end. So when you feel discouraged try to remember that. I know I will.
If you feel you’re getting nowhere with your craft, put things into perspective and compare yourself to the way you were and where you were a few months ago, a year ago even: do you feel you’ve made progress? You most probably have but you’ve been so in your head and trying to reach self-imposed standards that it’s slipped out of your view how far you’ve actually come. Maybe it’s time to take a mental break for a bit, take in what you’ve achieved already and set yourself to a fresh start: put things into perspective and get motivated and excited again.
I have to admit that I mostly wrote this to figure out things for myself, that’s why I write sometimes, probably that’s why you write sometimes too, publicly or not. And even though I wrote this for the aforementioned reason, I feel like I’m not the only one struggling with this. If you’ve cried watching “La la land” and that specific scene I mentioned earlier or found yourself thinking those things and feeling like your soul aches then: Hi! Nice to meet you! I hope this helped you too.
