Questions I wish I had asked my Grandmothers

In light of what would have been my grandmother Darla’s 80th birthday a few weeks ago, and a little over a year since my grandmother Mary passed away, I have been thinking about them more than I usually do. And I think about them both often. I was not fortunate enough to grow up in the same state as one and I lost the other when I was a child so there are years and years of “what could have been” that I reflect on daily. Among those reflections I often think of questions I wish I had asked them.

So here, in no particular order or level of importance, are several questions I wish I had had the chance to ask my grandmothers.

1.) What were you doing the day I was born?

I know this sounds rather selfish, but I am curious what family members are doing when a new baby is born. I picture you both eating breakfast or lunch and my father calling you, you answering the phone, and then like my brother and my cousins you smiled. You were happy. You celebrated.

2.) What was your favorite movie?

Now I am not only asking this as a film major but just out of pure curiosity. Did you have a favorite movie star? What genre did you like the most? Did you always get the same candy or size popcorn at the theater? Were you like me and have a distaste for Snowcaps?

3.) This one is for Grandma Darla, what was the recipe for the Christmas fudge you used to make?

This is a question that several people have asked near the holidays. I remember being about five or six and tasting that Peanut Butter fudge you made for Christmas and it blew my mind. If I could find that recipe it would be worth it’s weight in gold. Also, thank you for the Candy Cane Rods you put in our stockings. That will always be an image of Christmas in my mind until the day I die.

4.) What did you think of Feminism?

You were both a mother to four or more children around the time that the second wave of Feminism blossomed. Did you consider yourself Feminists? I wonder what you thought about the way women were standing up for themselves. I wonder what you did to either support or maybe even defy the new era of womanhood. I wonder what you would think of women today. I wonder what you would encourage me to do in the new wave of Feminism.

5.) What did you do when you wanted to give up?

I know that both of you went through extremely difficult experiences in your life, in some cases multiple times. What did you do when you wanted to give up? I know through my own life I have gone through similar and individual difficulties, medical, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc. and I just wish for your advice at times to help me get through those bad times.

6.) Who was your celebrity crush?

I know grandma Darla loved Elvis’s music, but was he her celeb crush? I am sure Grandma Mary had a few crushes on some famous men, but who else made you blush? Who else would make your knees turn to jelly? Who else was framed and on your nightstand as a teenager? I am sure I could vouch for both of you.

7.) What was your favorite song?

I know that my taste, and the taste of my brother and several cousins, when it comes to music comes from you two. I know that when I think of grandma Darla I think of Elvis, anything Rockabilly, “Take My Breath Away” by Berlin and “The Air that I Breathe” by the Hollies come to mind. For grandma Mary it is anything that was popular at the time and the Andrews Sisters singing “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy”. What else did you like?

Side Note: Thank you for leaving an amazing collection of CDs for you children and grandchildren after you passed. We still enjoy them to this day.

8.) What would have made your day the “Perfect Day”?

Is it warm? Cool? Is there a favorite meal at each meal time? Are you near the water? The city? What was your idea of a “Perfect Day”?

9.) For Grandma Mary, why did you collect giraffes?

You had soooooo many! Where did you get them all? What began this extensive collection that made an appearance at your funeral service? I understand the cheerfulness that they exude, but why?

10.) How do you stay strong and hopeful when your heart is broken?

Heartbreak is inevitable. All of us have had our heartbroken in various ways by various things, people and events in our lives. How do you make it go away? How do you get out of bed when your reason for smiling is no longer there? What do you do when he does not love you? When he does not realize you are there? What can I (we) do when it happens?

11.) What did you want to be when you grew up?

I know that grandma Mary wanted to go into the Dental field, why I am not sure, but did your dream jobs change? Was there something that you saw as a job and had no idea how someone could be so lucky as to get that job?

12.) Who or what was your greatest love in life?

I am sure you would say your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren would make that list, but was that all? Was there something or someone out there that also had your heart and soul?

13.) What was the wildest thing you did when you were young?

Did you ever steal pumpkins? Play a prank on a teacher? Were you renegades and not “square”? Would it be something you could not tell me because it was Grade A serious? Wow. I am impressed.

14.) What was the best day of your life?

Back to the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and the days we were born. How about your marriages? Your first day of work? Last day of school?

Another side note: Did you want to go to college? If so, where would you have gone?

15.) What was something you just did not understand?

Was it Feminism? Was it Civil Rights? LGBTQ Rights? Was it History, English or like me, Math? Would you have tried to figure it out?

16.) What was your honest opinion about something?

I know you both had to have an honest opinion about something. Everyone does. I also know that there was probably something that caused you to keep it to yourself. Well, at least grandma Darla might have. Maybe it was something that would have shocked us all and would have changed somethings between us. Whatever it was, I would have listened.

17.) Where in the world did you want to go but never got the chance to see?

Did you ever want to go to Egypt? Greece? California? Did you want to see the ocean? The Grand Canyon? Graceland? If I knew I would totally add them to my travel bucket list.

18.) What was a cause you believed in?

You were both nice women, what was a cause you believed in? Was it something based on religion? Personal experience? Did you ever get the chance to assist with those causes? How did you assist them?

19.) Could you forgive me for being a real pain at time?

I know I am not perfect. I know we had times where I was difficult, for one reason or another. I said things that I now know I did not mean, and at the time I might have know I did not mean. Could you let me know that I do not have to constantly tell myself that I need to regret my past actions with you both. With anyone for that matter.

20.) What did you want for your children? Grandchildren? Great-Grandchildren?

I can guess that you wanted us to be happy. To fall in love with what we do and who we do it with. I am sure you wanted us to be brave. I am sure you wanted us to smile, to cry, to be mad but to also be grateful that we could feel those things. What else did you want for us?

21.) Do you know that I think about you both everyday?

I do think about you both everyday. I think I do it because it is all I can really do to be able to still spend time with you both. I miss what we could have had, the conversations, the memories. Whenever I am at a Dairy Queen, watching Planet of the Apes, blue jays and cardinals, at a picnic or being near railroad tracks I think of you, Grandma Darla. When I think of beaches, costume jewelry and fanny packs, fairies and Easter I think you, Grandma Mary. Some days are good, others make me sad, but they are frequent and overall enjoyable. I see each memory as a valuable lesson. Thanks for the savings on textbooks.

Overall I am grateful for you both.

If you have the chance to ask your grandmothers, grandparents, parents, etc. these questions or other questions, DO IT. If you have the chance to have people who fill the space for those you lose in your life, ask them the questions. DO IT. If you have the chance to hug them, DO IT. If you have the chance to spend time with them, DO IT.