The girl who broke the ocean in half for a man
Some of you probably know me. Some of you have read my fiction, my interviews, followed me along as a young writer who dreamt of meeting her half-brother in Berlin.
Over a decade ago, I went to Berlin in search of my half-brother, we’ll call him Gabriel. Instead, I left married to a British man I hardly knew. My brother stayed in touch here in there, but he had no idea what was in store for me when I moved back to the United States with my new husband.
Four years later, the British man I married would gain his residency in the United States. And then, he would throw me out of my home, cut my health insurance abruptly, and divorce me. And a matter of months later, another woman would be living in my home, stalking my every move on the internet with the help of my husband. I lived in fear, emotionally terrorized and afraid for my life. My credit destroyed, with no stable housing, and leveled by the medical debt I took on when my husband took away my health insurance, I was starting from scratch.
What was worse is that I never saw it coming — I thought I was in a happy marriage, a dream come true, and I loved my husband. I didn’t realize I was married to a man who didn’t love me, who was using me and was going to upgrade to a younger, smaller woman as soon as he could. I didn’t see the signs when he refused to give me money but instead tracked my every expense with a credit card he took out under both our names. I was 26-years-old, a former Salvadoran refugee, and now I was starting my life over, from rags to riches to rags again.
Since this all happened, I’ve come forward with my story and started working hard to help other women in similar situations. And I stand by the idea that whoever the other woman is, she has her own story to tell, and when she’s hurt — not if, but when — she’ll need the resources we’re building together.
I broke the ocean in half for the man who threatened me and took so much from me. Maybe, in a way, I broke it in half for us. So that this painful thing that happened to me would never happen to another woman. I mean, I’m sure it will happen to other women, like it happened to girls before me, but I’m hoping to leave strength and a path to survival behind for anyone else who has to walk this path.
Today, I’m engaged to a friend I had for years before. I want to write about that too, someday. My partner is transfeminine and a gender nihilist theorist, someone who has helped me deconstruct the idea of masculinity and the toxic forms it manifests itself to demoralize and degrade us.
I have so much more to write about, but I’m hoping here on Medium, this will be the beginning of intelligent conversations on gender, sexuality, interracial relationships, and domestic violence.
