The ramblings of a relatively reasonable man.

Christmas holidays: Day Six— Excuse my French.

So for some time, I have been playing ping pong. When I say some time, I mean about 6 months. It’s a wonderful game. Truly epic. Speed, skill, immediate action, intense rivalry, good for the heart and soul and damn good fun. Down my local pub every Thursday night, the staff set up 3 table tennis tables and about 100 people come down and we fight it out for that nights prize. It’s $10 to enter, and with that you receive a beer voucher and the chance to win 1st prize, which tends to be about $150. What’s not to love?!

I started playing because one of my new mates would head down there every thursday and invited me. I quickly became utterly addicted, and horrifically competitive. That was fine though, because my mate who introduced me to the night, and who I play doubles with, is even more competitive. We often shout obscenities at each other during the games.

One night I was there, I was introduced to this gorgeous french chick. You know the type: tanned skin, smoker, dark hair, brown eyes, sultry look, white teeth, gorgeous smile, slim as a twig and an ass tighter than a snare drum. Yikes.

I’ve been keen on her ever since. On top of that, she has a killer smash and regularly beats me. What a turn on. Chicks that are physically superior.

So, I’ve been chatting to her occasionally when I see her, trying to think of entertaining things to say and generally being a smart arse. We very slowly become friends, sort-of, and I’ve put so much concerted effort in to it, I’ve quite surprised myself. I only had sex over a weekend with some swedish bird, since my wife and I split 6 months ago. So it’s been a bit of a barren patch to say the least. I was starting to hump street lights at night because I’ve been so sexually frustrated. Not quite. But to say I’ve been masterbating regularly is the understatement of 2015.

So there are 3 new friends on the scene in our gang. What a great addition they have been. This french chick is one of them, and there is another french dude and an english bloke. All wonderful. So the french dude says to me a few weeks ago “Hey man, I really like your flatmate.” No problem. I made it happen. They are now seeing each other regularly, as part of our circle of friends and on their dates etc. The interesting part if that this french dude has this gorgeous female friend who plays the table tennis nights with us.

We all went out last night and got pretty wasted. Man, this holiday has been amazing for getting wasted. (I actually had a blackout I drank so much on days 4 & 5 — hence no entries. I can’t remember shit about it. There’s a black hole after 7pm. Problem, much?) We started off at our local german beer hall, then went off to another local after that. At the german joint our french friends joined us. We were all pretty loose by that point anyhow, which was good, because I get slightly nervous around this chick ’cause I’m keen on her. How brilliantly childish. #Nevergrowold.

(I’m doing a rather superb job these days building up an epic gang in our little beachy town. I have an amazing network of people to hangout with, and have introduced lots of people to the group. I’m extremely happy with it. Took me a while to build it up, as the ex-wife was an unsociable bitch. I don’t think there can be any arguing with that.)

So we had a few at the german joint then off to the other pub. We were wasted by the time we started to head back to ours. Ie — a ‘climbing up lamp post’ competition. We were all fucking shitfaced. Anyhow, our apartment has become the go-to place for post drink-more drinks. Which is great, as we have a beautiful gang of fun-loving people, and there’s really nothing better than sitting, sozzled, in your apartment with friends after a big boozing session at night, windows open, sea breeze, stars and music.

I was sitting next to the french chick on the couch for most of the time back at ours, staking my territory and we we’re doing the flirty cuddling and hand holding thing. She rested her hand on my cock for a while at one point. I was inches away from ripping of my trousers and attacking her right there and then. Fortunately, maturity prevaled and I avoided an early trip down the clink. (English slang for ‘Jail’, for all you international readers.) After a while I was getting tired and felt like the window of opportunity was rapidly closing — shut by myself because I was so savagely pissed of my head. I was getting tired of socialising anyhow. I decided to take the baguette by the crust and asked her if she wanted to come to my room. She smiled and said yes, with her beautiful brown eyes searing her initials into my heart.

We had kissed a couple of times before we had gotten back to the house. That fist kiss was the highlight of my year, I’m not ashamed to say. We were outside under the stars with the sound of the ocean behind us, the wind in her hair. Life is better than movies.

I closed the door with my heart beating fast. It was magnificent. Everything I hoped it would be. And a little more. We kissed softly for a while and I luxuriated in the moment of weeks of fantasy finally coming true. Her skin, her smell, the touch. It was ecstasy, really it was. Absolute endorphin rush. Unbeatable. Eventually we were naked. Christ, what a body. Not mine. Hers. But I’m no slouch either. All that nakedness. Enough to make a man stiff.

We were rolling around in bed and things were getting fairly excitable, to say the least. Imagine my surprise, then, when (unprotected) she grabbed me and, how can I say this, pulled me into her. I had a drawer full of condoms so was fully armed and was expecting to use them. (Ok, maybe one, possibly two, at a very large stretch of the imagination.) I’ve danced with the devil basically my whole life, ie: almost never used condoms. I’ve been tested semi-regularly and had kind of made a pact with myself not to have unprotected sex again. I was married for 5 years, so that obviously wasn’t an issue then. But this whole moment took me by surprise. With the swedish bird from a few weeks ago we had used them. Fuck, it’s a real dampener on proceedings. I hate them. They make the whole thing uncomfortable, and I generally find girls get pretty dry fairly quickly. Who’s got time for lubricant and all that sticky shit?

So there I was, unprotected in every sense. I was drunk as fuck, so I was just enveloped in the whole sensation and took a ride on that experience. Bloody stupid though, but greater men that me have fallen foul of that particular folly. Not sure how long the whole things lasted. Seems like about an hour if I’m not totally going to lie about it. It was incredible. I really enjoyed looking into her eyes…I think it re-enforced the surreal nature of it all, and how much of an incredible fantasy coming true it was. Being inside of her was the most intense sexual experience I’ve had in years. I suppose that’s why it remains such a popular pastime.

She’s the hottest girl I’ve been with for sometime. She’s also incredibly charismatic and has that wonderful energy shining out of her soul.

I’m not so bothered about myself during sex, I can basically come at any time. I’m more interested in them — their good time and orgasms. I don’t think she did come, which was a bit of a disappointment. Did my best and I think she enjoyed it. Christ it’s hard to tell sometimes. Girls are strange.

I’m slightly nervous about the whole unprotected thing. I guess I’ll do what most people do, just forget about it. It’s incredibly irresponsible, but that’s human nature I suppose. To be a twat.

She’s got a few guys interested in her around our town, which immediately makes me edgy. I mean, it makes sense — she’s a total babe. It just makes me think it would be hard work being her partner. I can’t be fucked with that: she’s a guys girl. Always hanging around guys and flirting with them. Ugh. I’m not sure where we go from here. She’s recently split up with her boyfriend so is in no hurry, I’m sure, to do that again. I’d like to be her boyfriend or whatever, but don’t want to push it. Oh, the sexual drama.

Would I have unprotected sex with her again?

In a fucking heartbeat.

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