Diary of an Insomniac — Entry Four
Hello there.

If you are reading this, you should probably stop (do not say I did not warn you).
Honestly, I have not been having a good year (and I can’t wait for this year to be over). I’m trying to think of what the content of tonight’s entry should be but I’ve come up naught, as my fingers lead I guess. *shrugs*
Adele — set fire to the rain is currently playing. One of those timeless songs. I actually have an interesting memory attached to this song but that is a story for another day.
My thoughts have been plagued with this re-occurring idea to travel far and start a life somewhere new where I know no one and no one knows me. Not that I have not had a good life so far (as good as it can be I guess) with endless intriguing adventurous tales. I just need/want a fresh start and a whole new set of adventures. Despite being very imaginative, I have not once been able to picture that life, it never occurred to me, and I think it is because I’ll rather have the reality than the illusion. I wonder if I will do things differently or I’ll still remain the same. Just the mere thought of doing this gives me a rush of excitement. I might not do it now, or tomorrow, or next month, but I’ll definitely do it at some point.
King Promise — Selfish is making another appearance in this series. so is Halsey — Now or never, I absolutely adore this song.
Lately, I have not been myself, like I said earlier, I have had a somewhat awful year. There have been times where I almost forgot the person I am, but I’ve been scaling through (with a lot of tears I might add). Its crazy how you lose sight of the good when the bad tries to overwhelm you. You see some believe that you go through stuff and you are just supposed to get over it like that, where I do not believe that is true as there are certain things that messes with you mentally/psychologically, they leave their mark and their imprint in you. While I do not subscribe to the idea of letting what you’ve been though in life be the reason for living a reckless and not so good lifestyle. I do believe there are certain things you just can’t/don’t get over and that is absolutely fine but its always best to work through them rather than avoid them because “shit happens and you can’t change shit, the world does not owe you anything, toughen up and soldier up, you can’t change shit, blah blah blah” — these are some of the reasons people give, but I firmly believe that you should work through the stuff you go through. You cannot turn back the hands of time but it does not mean you have to shove it to a dark corner of your mind, work through these things, embrace the onslaught of emotions so they do not end up ruling you, work through it one step at a time. You are allowed to tear up, to get emotional, to grieve/mourn, to think about it, to feel whatever emotion it brings up, you are allowed to do all these things but what you are not allowed to do is wallow in the despair and refuse to come out of it, or let that disrupt your life and the great plans you have for it.
Adele — turning tables, another gem that I absolutely adore.
I actually wish I find it easy to talk to open up to people (I don’t and I don’t think I’ve ever opened up to anyone), its not so much about the fear of opening up, its about not knowing how or not trusting the person enough to (it takes an incredible level of trust to open up to someone, the kind of trust that doesn’t occur overnight, it takes time, patience, dedication, effort, and a strong conviction that the person(s) is (are) worth it). Trust is a very delicate abstract feeling that can take years to build and seconds to destroy. It is an essential aspect of every relationship (not just the intimate relationships). Also, an integral part of the trust process is also that it demands a very high level of forgiveness (and this is the most difficult part).
Linkin Park — Numb, see I am just rolling out the gems today.
I find humans incredibly complex and confusing. I try to understand people and the reasons they might possibly have for justifying certain actions (and to an extent I do understand — and that is the most difficult part). When you can explore all perspectives and understand the emotions and reasons behind actions. Nevertheless, inderstanding doesn’t make it any less complex or confusing. Sometimes, I have the urge to sit people down and have a lengthy discussion regarding this but I don’t because interactions are exhausting and people will NEVER part with the perspective they have about certain things.
Greenday — Boulevard of broken dreams. I told you, gems!
I warned you not to read, can you find any coherent pattern in this? cause I don’t think there is any.
