Reach out for help when you need it, please.
The biggest lie I’ve ever heard. I remember being in a real deep depression with constant suicidal thoughts when my sisters friend committed suicide. I remember the shock, I remember the pain (even thought I didn’t know her well), and I remember celebrating her birthday a few days later with her family. Even more I remember the funeral. I remember the pastor’s speech, please let us know so we can help you. What a damn joke.
. I have asked .
. I have begged .
. I have cried .
. I have screamed .
No one has done a damn thing. No one has done a thing but sabotage any help i have tried to get myself. I have had some people be supportive of those actions, but no one be proactive when I wasn’t in the state to do so myself.
Family, friends, school administrators, religious leaders, you name it…I’ve tried it.
Everyone tries to keep it hush hush. They try so hard to not hear it. They don’t want the drama. All they can see is drama. They ignore the pain and the tears and the sadness, they ignore it all for the fear of getting tied up in a mess of policies and how to and how not to act. Sad, but reality.
Parents and friends just act like you want attention. Even when it took everything in you to get the courage to finally say something, to voice your biggest fears and demons out loud. All that to end up getting ignored or told you’re attention seeking and selfish.
Religious leaders tell you what you feel, because obviously what you’re feeling is what you “think” you’re feeling. It’s obviously the devil making you believe that’s how you feel, and it’s your fault for not being religious “enough.” Either that or you’re just plain possessed and what’s in you is why you’re feeling that way, and of course this also is your fault because your low faith attracted this to you.
Which is worse? I can’t choose, don’t want to, shouldn’t have to. Why? They’re all bad enough, bad enough to be painful enough to be wrong enough for anyone to expect us to go through this shit alone. It’s a damn shame how little we matter, how little the person in pain matters. It’s always about everyone else, how everyone else will be affected.
I’ve heard so much more concern geared towards how my parents put up with me and how I need to be less difficult for them. I’ve been told this is happening to me because I’m not practicing, I’ve been told this is happening to me because I’m willfully putting myself in bad moods, I’ve been blamed and told that I’m victimizing others more than I’ve ever been told it’s okay for me to not be okay. This coming from people who have just heard I have depression. People who haven’t once asked me about it, nor talked to me about it. Telling me what I have and why I have it isn’t talking to me about it. It’s you being ignorant. I don’t even know where this is going anymore. But if you don’t know what I’ve been through and am still going through please keep your opinions to yourself. That’s all, it’s that easy.
