The tale of the hole — Sadly, not a black one.
“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.” — Orson Welles
So fairly recently, i played a story-telling game with a friend. It’s really simple. You type a sentence and the other person types the next, and whatever monstrosity you have at the end of the exercise is your story. It was really fun and i decided to share. To make it even weirder, we decided to draw pictures and add them. Feel free to highlight your favorite parts of the story.
p.s: The story makes absolutely no sense of course, but you’d enjoy reading it.
Once upon a time, there was a boy that lived in a hole. He called this odd hole his home. He had a sister named Janet. Janet lived in a much nicer hole, but she never really felt like she belonged there. She felt she deserved more, like a high class tunnel.
She tried to explain this to her boyfriend many times but never succeeded. He told her he felt the hole was good enough, but he was secretly planning to run away with all her money.
Jane decided to leave the tunnels to find a better life. But Daquan (her boyfriend, of course), had already taken all her money and some of her garri. Jane cried after she found out but still left for the tunnel to become a broadway star.
Meanwhile, John was upgrading his hole. He added a new rug and centre table. He also got a wonderful pair of glass slippers that he couldn’t wait to show everyone. He threw a hole party to celebrate his change of levelz. And when he unveiled the slippers, everyone came to a common conclusion: John was a fag.
John, however couldn’t be bothered by the rumours and began to breed wasps as pets. And then the inevitable happened. He got a prize for the fattest wasps at the fair and then died of happiness in his glass slippers. When an autopsy was carried out, it was found that he had an ovary that ruptured and caused him to bleed internally and slowly killed him.
The rupture occurred when he was learning to dance Alanta in his precious glass slippers. Some say the slippers made him fall on purpose…
Jane heard of her brother’s death and decided this was her chance to get her hands on those slippers. But when she got to the hole-house thing, they were gone! *gasp*
Seeing what had happened, she knew that Daquan had struck again. Daquan smiled as he slipped them on, not knowing a brutal death awaited him. Jane got John’s fattened wasps and locked them in a room with Daquan. But apparently, the slippers didn’t like the wasps, so they fought for Daquan.
While the slippers and the wasps were fighting, Jane got a bazooka and blew everything in Daquan’s holes to pieces including him. But the slippers survived, and began to run towards Jane.
Jane had huge strong boobs and used them as a weapon against the slippers. The slippers found the weak spots in the strong boobs and brought Jane down.
Jane begged the slippers for mercy. The slippers asked for the strangest of favours in exchange for sparing her life. Jane wondered what it might be. The slippers smiled, and stroked their respective soles. Jane said “go on… tell me”.
The slippers said “I don’t think you can andle eet”. “Try me”, she said. “What makes you think you can handle it?”, they said. Jane didn’t answer and the slippers decided to talk. It said “You’ll pound yam and make okro soup for us”, they laughed in spiritual powers. “But I don’t know how to”, she cried. “Well is there any other thing you can offer us?”; they smiled, stroking their hypothetical chins.
“You can have sex with my feet if you want”, she said shyly. “Feet aren’t for sex babe, we were thinking about something a little more direct”, they replied. “Oh heavens no”, she said in horror, “You can’t be serious”. “Come on, we cant be that horrifying”, they smiled in riverine powers. “And what if we are the best you’ve ever had?”, they said.
She thought hard about it and still said no. The slippers slapped her until she could say no no-more, she begged for mercy. She called for backup. The backup saw how big her boobs were and became interested too. They vowed to defeat the slippers for her heart. Meanwhile, Jane’s parents were worried about her. The slippers and the backup fought to the death. The slippers won. They jumped back on her big boobs. She died waiting for the fight to end. The slippers brought her back to life with their spiritual powers. “We fought for you, we must enjoy you”, they said.
“Nah mehn… dead is dead. Unless I say so” said God, and he took her life again. Jane’s parents ran to the scene, but found that they were too late. They decided to take the slippers to the exorcist. But the slippers fled before they could say Jack Robinson. Jane’s mom was secretly happy her daughter was gone, so she had surgery to look younger and stole her daughter’s life.
But she couldn’t get big enough boobs so people still knew it was her. She knew she had a big decision to make, which was she had to get a new pair of gloves she saw at the store. Her husband was starting to worry about her, but also moved his girlfriend into the house. But his girlfriend always snored loudly. He decided to make her sleep with clothes stuffed down her mouth. But all she needed was a little Aboniki. He soon discovered that there was no Aboniki available as dog had licked it all the night before.
The dog became like Sango, and could breath out fire from it’s mouth like a dragon. The dog burnt the man’s girlfriend. The man slapped the dog until it could speak fluent Yoruba. The Yoruba speaking dog then got married to an ant, and they gave birth to a lizard.
After that, they all lived happily ever after. Except the dead people of course.
If you made it this far, congratulations! And i sincerely apologize for wasting five minutes of your life. You’ll never get it back, i promise.
And if you’re one of my friends, you’d have known which parts were written by me of course 💪💪.
Finally, to my co-writer. My secret super-hero. My anonymous Shakespeare. We’re published. We’ve blown. We’ll soon start living lavish like i promised 😂.
Continue with me on the journey of more success.
Hi, I’m Ope.
I’m skinny, but the buff kind 😂.
Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or check out my Twitter profile.