An Apology To Ourselves

Terence C.
Jul 23, 2017 · 2 min read

I sincerely believe that we owe ourselves far more apologies than we can ever owe anyone else. More often than not, we create an ideal version of what we think we’re capable of, and who we think we can possibly be. We go into this state of mind where we begin to envision ourselves being a better person in a better place. However, we soon realise that it isn’t as easy as we assume and expect it to be, so we extend the deadline. We push it back, whatever it may be — reading a book, going to the gym, learning that new craft we promised ourselves in the past. How long ago was it, may I ask? A week? A month? A year? Maybe, even a decade? We tell ourselves that we will eventually start one day, when the right circumstances, such as enough time, energy and money, fall into place. Yet, even with these optimal conditions, we’re still not getting started.

“I don’t feel like it.”

This might sound ironic, but our feelings may be the very thing that is obstructing us from getting what we want. Most, or perhaps all parts of this emotion we’re feeling is fear. We constructed an expectation (hopefully one that is realistic), and we’ve got a vague idea of whether or not we can meet it. Instead of attempting to find out whether we actually fall short of our own expectation or otherwise; we decide to run away. Because, with no expectation, we have no disappointment. However, it doesn’t feel good to know that we’re scared, so we mask it up with a half-truth and this is what kills us.

“I’m not gonna run forever. I’m gonna face it — one day.”

Things will not change unless we make it happen. That one day we’re hopeful of will not come, unless we make the day happen. It is funny how when we make a mistake to others, we hold ourselves in absolute responsibility. We apologise and try our best to make it up to them. But when we make a mistake to ourselves, we simply feel sorry with no sense of accountability attached to us. We are afraid of being afraid, yet on the other side of fear is just us. What are we truly afraid of when we’re thinking of this expectation we set upon ourselves?

Terence C.

There is a fine line between fishing and doing nothing. We would like to think that we’re fishing, but the truth is we don’t have the line.

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