We, the Freaks

Being Different from Freakishly Normal

Someone said it best when they said, “You don’t choose family…you can love them, but you don’t have to like them.” For my fiance and I, who are “different” from our families, truer words have never been spoken.

We dress differently- “goth”, if you will- and while my family has all but accepted my clothing choice, some of his has not. Of course, my family will ask my mother, “Does she still wear all black?” and when she confirms, they just nod and change the subject. My fiance’s mother has pretty much accepted what we wear. His father and stepmother, however, is a different story. We (read: him) are not allowed to wear “the black garb” around them. I will not respect this rule of theirs, while my fiance tries to at least dress likeable. I’m almost 30, I am grown, and I am not their child. I will not tone down to appease their discomfort, and quite frankly, neither should he. How is a grown person going to tell another adult how to dress? Are you my employer? No? Are you paying me? No? Then you do not get to make my clothing choices.

My family used to protest how I dressed, but they eventually gave up after I didn’t differ in my dress style and the subject was eventually dropped. Sometimes a family friend would comment on my hair or my clothes, and it would be shrugged off as “that’s just the way she is.”

I believe my fiance’s father should just accept him and love him as he is, but he’s too caught up in “appearances” to see how much he hurts his son. Meanwhile, my fiance’s brother, the fuck-up, is loved and accepted because he dresses very carefully around everyone. So when he gets into a bind, like most people caring about appearances, his parents throw money at the problem. My fiance has barely asked them for anything, but because we are different, they are less likely to help us- the freaks- if we really need the help. Although, this same “freak” has been in a successful relationship for 8 years, a successful job for many years, a steady income, is responsible, is GETTING MARRIED, and doesn’t have an unwanted, almost aborted, out-of-wedlock child. They have “family days” all the time- trips out of town, restaurant visits, etc- do they ask their freak son who wears black, has gauged-out ears and long hair? Of course not. What would the neighbors say!

Of course, this is coming from the people who we lost in New Orleans for five minutes because they were so bland we couldn’t pick them out of the crowd. No, seriously. They were right in front of us the whole time and we couldn’t discern them from anyone else.

I know they talk about me behind my back- about my crazy colored hair, about the way I dress, my family…and I simply do not care. But what I DO care about is the way they treat and talk down to my fiance- he wants a relationship to his father, and he will never have that because of the way he looks. I know it hurts him when I talk to my dad and we talk for hours- because he will never have that bond. I’m sure they do not approve of our relationship either, but that is none of their business to begin with.

We want to like them, we really do. But alas, we are freaks. He has long, gorgeous hair, my hair is whatever rainbow color I want during that week. We wear black. We “need to dress normally so people won’t talk”- whatever. We do not care. The world takes all kinds, and honestly, that part of his family are the only ones who really talk. Never in my life have I ever heard someone say so much but say nothing at all. Perhaps somewhere down the road, my fiance’s father will realize how horrible he has treated his son, regret his actions, and try to make amends. But realistically, I know that he will keep suffering from faecal encephalopathy (or cranial rectosis, if you will).

It’s ok, my love: at least you know that your mother and my family will always accept you.