No, Jeremy Corbyn is not the Prime Minister…but you could be!

The la la land looney left have really outdone themselves this time. Or perhaps, unlike me, they just don’t understand politics. As someone who has watched, minuted, analysed and ranked in order every edition of PMQs since 1991, I can tell you for sure that politics is a very serious business indeed. But this lot actually believe their guy is the PM, not understanding it’s all about who gets the most seats, not bloody Facebook likes! So it’s about time they snapped out of this fantasy world and came crashing back to cold, hard-bollocked reality.

And there’s no better way to do that than by playing my board game, The Road to Number 10: Pathways to Power (Debating Chamber Expansion pack). The game is a microcosm of the political world and I would recommend it to anyone who is seriously interested in politics, and also as an educational tool for the millions of young poseurs the Labour party has tricked into voting as a fashion statement. I’m sorry, but obnoxiously barging your way into a polling booth, headphones blasting, and nonchalantly scribbling a X next to the candidate who has offered you policies that might improve your quality of life shouldn’t count. Grow up.

The expanded version of the board game has the following features:

The Zinger: Playing the zinger card is sure to finish off your opponent, but be careful. Your opponent can turn the tables by rolling a score higher than 6 (or 11 if your character is a Lib Dem) while playing your “Witty Come-Back” card. Your character will also lose debate points by using ad hominems and Straw men. Sorry, but that’s just bad debating skills.

The Heckler: Now you can take part in debates even if you’re a backbencher. Moo and bark for no reason when it’s another players turn, argue over the rules, hide the dice and refuse to give them back. But watch out. If The Speaker has a low banter tolerance rating, you may be ejected from the chamber!

The Very Senior Source: If you’ve been unlucky enough to land on the “Absolute Chancer” square, the leader of your party will have an electabilty rating of -102. But all is not lost. With the VSS Card you will be in contact with George Smeaton, the greatest political journalist of the age. Text him information from private meetings, spread the most spurious rumours you can think of, just make-up any old shit! Smeaton will print literally anything you tell him and your leader will be gravely undermined. Perhaps you could launch a coup?

The New Party: As entertaining as politics is, sometimes things need a bit of a shake-up. With today’s extreme factions of brain dead EU-haters and fascist Momentum thugs, a new non-ideological Party of the centre is needed more than ever. The advantage of playing as a member of The New Party is that, such is the popularity of your common sense ideas, dashing good looks and ability to ride a unicycle, you’ll win the election immediately. Congratulations, you are now the Prime Minister, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise!

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