Twitter, I’ll Give You My Firstborn if You Stop Making Me Look at Tweets My Friends “Liked”

Nami
Nami
Jul 28, 2017 · 2 min read

Okay, no, I won’t do that. But I will give you five dollars.

Five dollars a month, even. That’s like $60 a year, which if you ask me is definitely worth a whole child, depending on the child’s personality and how cute they are.

But I digress. My point is, please stop making me look at tweets that my friends “liked”. I will seriously pay you to remove these blighted notifications from my Twitter feed. I mainly follow people to look at their art, or people whose careers I’m interested in, or people who just tweet at me often enough that I feel socially obligated to feign interest in their doings. Obviously, I’m fine with seeing their tweets. If not, I can always mute them.

But why would I want to see @JenniPenni2001’s #pooptweet photo just because @snorkledoodle1987, who said a nice thing to me three years ago about a drawing I did, happened to “like” it?

And what’s the sense of letting us mute retweets from accounts now (which is maybe the best feature Twitter has implemented ever), but then making us look at their stupid Likes anyway? And then not giving the option to turn that off? Does that make any sense? No, Twitter, it does not.

For that matter, please, please let us turn off the “In case you missed it” feature as well. Do you know how confusing that gets? What is this, Facebook? I need my timeline chronological. At least give us the option to turn it off.

I am not joking when I say that I’ll pay you to put me out of my misery. I know you’re struggling with generating revenue — Twitter isn’t like a lot of other platforms where there’s a lot of obvious possibility for subscription-only services. But I’m telling you there is.

Give us the option of turning off the features “In case you missed it” and “[Person you follow] liked [random stranger]’s tweet”. Make it a $5 subscription thing or something. Oh, and throw in “ad-free” as well. Seriously, this is a great idea, and I’m giving it to you guys free of charge.

Just, please, let us remove those features.

Nami

Written by

Nami

I’m Nami! I write about autism and comics — less often than I should, but when I do, I try to make it worth your while. Twitter: @breezecast

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