Day Dreaming

I miss monogamy. I miss being in a relationship. I want someone to fall asleep and wake up with. I want the feeling of intimacy surging through my veins with severity, a rush that comes up and cools my skin like mint. I want someone to hold my hand tenderly, to walk their finger tips ever so slightly on my palms; there is a look in their eyes that expresses focus and curiosity as if they are intrigued by the thought of my skin on theirs, lost in lust. I want that feeling when someone slips their hand into yours and it’s electric.

I miss the physical touch. I miss the need to please someone and explore each other’s interests. I yearn for those late night conversations rolling around in bed; the conversations when you are connected hip to hip. I may be lying on top of them, my bare breasts resting on their chest, and kissing their neck, jaw line, nose, eyes, and lips delicately as an attempt to keep our bodies touching, connected. They might be stroking my back from the tip of my neck, their hands massaging up in my hair, then all the way down to the curve of my hips. Our bodies are exhausted but aware. Their eyes scan my face to memorize the pout of my lips and color of my eyes. I do the same. It’s in these moments that true intimacy, sharing your body with someone else, takes form.

I want the raw passion that stems from a relationship. I want the trust and comfort that allows someone to take control and play out a fantasy without judgment or concern. I want to be thrown onto a bed and pushed up against the wall. I want the attraction that makes a man fall to his knees; I want to be the goddess and the worshiper. I want to be infiltrated with the inclination to please, the kind of inclination that distracts you with day dreams of what may have happened before. I want to wake up with their head between my thighs.

I want the kind of passion that inspires insatiability. The passion that dictates it’s never enough; dictates that there is always something to explore.

I sit alone in my bed big enough for two and constantly find myself aware of this gap in my life. I know you can’t rush relationships, but there is no harm in dreaming of the days that once were and the days that might be.