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I Wanna Buttfuck Mike Pence

James Woods is a closeted faggot and so is our Hoosier-based Vice President. I bet they both wish they could metamorphosize themselves into butt-plugs to de-stress more people besides Anderson Cooper. Manly men should be comfortable with their sexuality and appreciate homoerotic imagery and literature. It’s so very healthy to know that men’s prostrates feel good when stimulated. That doesn’t necessarily mean they would enjoy a good old-fashioned, rootin’ tootin’ buttfuck, but they definitely shouldn’t be threatened by the notion. I just can’t comprehend why Conservatives still want to inflict laws onto outlawing men who get off on their same gender. I mean, by golly…they must be closet cases.

Mr. Pence is a homophobe, but he’s hiding something from the American public just like Rick Perry and Lindsay Graham. They and the rest of this country’s men should freely begin to acknowledge that they’re all secretly queer. Life’s too short to banish pansies, so why sabotage your own weird feelings like admiring the male physique and acting all butch, even if you don’t 100% qualify as such? I betcha ole Mitch McConnell used to love to engage in some back office circle jerk sessions back in his salad days. Nothing to feel embarrassed about if you dig that sort of leisure activity.

All those poor souls who want to escape Putin’s pogrom on homosexuals in Chechnya should create their own army and extinguish every single gaybasher in sight. If I had the money I’d set up a foundation to help them migrate to America so that they could take out Pence and all the other haters from spreading their rhetoric about curing gay people from their own natural sexual orientation. I’d rather have these GOP monsters be brainwashed to accept everyone and quit instigating outdated methods of thought control.

Sheriff David Clarke looks like the type of gruff-looking dude that butch-meister Tom of Finland would have featured in his portraits of men in uniform doing horrendously kinky things to each other. I’m sure if R.W. Fassbinder was still alive he would’ve casted him in a sequel to Querelle. Clarke could wear his usual fascist gear while sporting a lethal pair of mirrored aviators while fistfucking some rough trade. Pence’s biggest dream would be to get buggered to death by Clarke while wearing assless chaps and sucking on a sherbet popsicle. He certainly has the chance to become a true American icon of human rights if only he weren’t so embroiled in his bromance with Trump and the other cronies on Capital Hill.

I hope somebody out there inspires these haters to just chill the fuck out and let everyone do their own thing without causing more unnecessary suicides and political deaths. The ‘fudgepacking revolution’ is a wise choice to spark up some action, I just hope the men that are about to be penetrated know not to blame their repressed urges and start lashing out at potential victims who’ve already suffered too much for their false sins that have been spawned by creeps who don’t fucking appreciate true art like Jesse Helms and may he rot in hell-Roger Ailes.

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