Projection (The Narcissists’ Weapon that Can Be Used Against Them)
Today the topic I have for you is Projection — The Narcissists’ Weapon that Can Be Used Against Them.
I’m going to talk about what the narcissist is doing with projection, what it’s actually revealing to you, and how you can use that against them by understanding what their true motives are.
Essentially, all narcissists tell on themselves.
Projection is the process through which they reveal who they are and what they’re doing.
Through projection, they call you what they are. They accuse you of doing what they’re doing or planning on doing. They throw all the uncomfortable feelings onto you because they don’t want to deal with them. They throw their shame on you so they don’t have to deal with it. They make you feel guilty for who they are and what they’re doing because they’re unable to feel that guilt themselves.
So, essentially projection is an unconscious way of denying the existence of something inside oneself and attributing it to others, externalizing it.
This could be unacceptable or unwanted characteristic, flaws, thoughts, emotions, actions, feelings.
It’s a defense mechanism.
Anybody can do this. You can be projecting things onto people and not even realize it.
There’s going to be one thing I’ll talk about in the end when I give you a few tips, that’s a very common form of rejection among codependents, people-pleasers, and empaths.
In the case of narcissists, because they’re unable to see these things inside themselves they have to project them on other people. Because they’re unable to be accountable and responsible for their stuff, they have to project it onto other people.
Projection is a combination of misdirection and blame-shifting. They’re diverting and distracting you from what is really going on and they’re getting you to take responsibility for it in some way. On the surface that’s what they seem to think is going on. But, if you learn to read the narcissist instead of just taking everything personally, you’re going to see how valuable their projections are for revealing who they are and what they’re doing.
I’m going to give you some common examples. You’re probably going to relate to some of these and it’s probably going to get you thinking about other ways that you’ve seen this taking place.
Examples of projection of narcissists:
Where the narcissists accuses you of cheating and goes on and on questioning you, what you were doing and who you were with and what’s going on. they’re all up in your stuff because the narcissist is cheating or planning on it.
The narcissist says at the restaurant, “where’s our plump dumpling waitress?” But the narcissist is overweight.
The narcissist calls you up and says “did you hear about so and so? I hear she has a lot of darkness going on.” But the narcissist is a very dark character.
You’ve set a boundary and you don’t give the narcissist what s/fhe wants, so the narcissist calls you selfish.
The narcissist accuses you of lying because the narcissist is a pathological liar.
The narcissist business partner says to you “what have you been doing for the last six months?” You built the entire business in the last six months. The narcissist did nothing but surf the internet, travel and schmooze people.
So you see how they’re just externalizing, throwing onto you, or whomever the target is, whatever it is they’re unable to face or don’t like inside themselves.
So I’m going to give you a few tips on how to deal with the projection.
- Don’t identify with it.
When you identify with the projection that becomes projection identification. I mentioned that in a Q&A video I did a few months ago. Remember, that’s about them, not about you. Often it’ll be directed to you. Sometimes it’ll be about someone else like the waitress or someone else in the background. Try not to get upset about it. Try not to give a reaction. Try not to get involved in any narcissistic supply giving.
Remember, don’t internalize the projection if it’s aimed towards you. Don’t internalize it and don’t make it yours. When you don’t take it personally that’s when you can see the reveal taking place outside. But if you’re taking too personally you’re not going to see what they’re revealing. You’re just going to get caught up in that. It’s essentially your ego that’s going to get caught up in it. So remember to tell your ego to take a seat, don’t take it personally and just look at the whole scenario, the big picture, and recognize what are they telling you. What are they revealing to you about their motives, what their plans are or what they’re actually doing?
2. Don’t project your own good qualities onto anyone else.
This is what codependents, empaths, and people-pleasers do. We’ve projected our empathy, our generosity, our honesty, all the good qualities that we want to see in our mate, or in our boss, in our friend, in our family or whomever it was but those were our qualities. We’re projecting our goodness onto them. Those things weren’t actually there, we just wanted to see those things in them. We wanted to believe those qualities in that person.
3. Know yourself and be assertive in your sense of self.
If you know yourself when the narcissist is projecting these things at you and you’re not taking it personally you’re able to realize, nope, that’s not me. So you’re going to be able to laugh that off. You’re going to be able to just let that go and realize it’s not personal at all. Be assertive in your sense of self. Know who you are. Be assertive in owning your reality so the narcissist can’t get away with the projection.
Remember, you can use this to your advantage in situations where you have to deal with the narcissist, especially when you’re trying to figure out what their next move is or what’s going on. Listen to them, because they always tell on themselves.
So if you’ve got a comment to add to this, short scenarios in which you have a projection example to share, go ahead and share that because that could be really helpful to someone else.
Sometimes people are reflecting on what was the narcissist’s projection and what were they really saying. Then they read your example and it triggers some kind of memory or understanding for them, so that can be helpful.
Remember, you can use projection against them. You don’t have to let it be a weapon used against you.